SaVe Me Ft. Kim Taehyung (BTS) {COMPLETED ✔️}

Part Sixty-Eight 육십팔

The next day I wake up feeling really sad and empty. As I look at the hoodie in my hands, I feel like I miss him even more. I try to push all those feelings away and put the hoodie back in my closet. I get dressed and put on some make-up.

Yana is still asleep as I eat my breakfast and get ready for work. I write her a note to thank her for her help and concern last night and wish her a great day at work. I grab my bag and go outside. I get in my car and get ready for work. I really don't feel like working today, but I need to. This is the famous after-concert-depression and I need to get through it.

As I start my car and get on the road, I can't stop thinking about Taehyung. How is he doing? Did he sleep okay? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? Does he feel as empty as I do? How did he feel seeing me again last night?

The more I think about him, the more I feel the urge to see him. I would do literally anything to be able to see him and talk to him. Just one more time...

Then something pops up in my head. I know where they are! I know where their house is. They are probably there right now, relaxing before their next concert in L.A. tonight.

Should I go there? Should I go see him? No, I can't. I am not allowed to. But I really, really want to. Just to talk to him and have a proper conversation with him. As I think about hugging him again, an urge takes over my body. The same urge that took over last night, right after the concert. Before I realize what I'm doing, I turn my car around and drive to their house.

With shaking bones, an insanely fast beating heart and sweaty hands, I park my car in front of their house. I look at their house and feel my nerves shake. This is it. The house where everything started and ended. Our first kiss was in this house, just like our last...

I have been here a few times since our breakup. I knew the guys were in Korea, but I just needed to come here. I just needed to stare at this house and feel like they were still here. Back then, I knew they weren't. But right now, I have no clue. This is their house. They bought it for them to stay in when they were in L.A., just like now.

But, is this a good idea? If I knock on the door and he opens, what will I do? Will I cry? Most likely, yes. But is that smart? This will probably the last time we'll see each other. This is my last chance to talk to him and to tell him what I want him to hear. Do I need to prepare? No, that's stupid! I-is it?

Before I can overthink this way too much, I get out of my car. With a heartbeat like I just ran a marathon, I go to the front door. With shaking hands, my hand touches the door and I knock. Every second that passes, my nerves add up.

Maybe they aren't home. Maybe they are already at the concert hall, preparing for tonight. Or maybe they have an interview or something... Or maybe they are here. Maybe they are still asleep after their concert from last night. I mean, it is still really early.

What am I doing here? They must be exhausted! They don't wanna wake up this early after a concert! They need to get some sleep and relax for their next concert! I shouldn't be here, at their front door, waking them at seven A.M.!

Just as I am about to turn around and walk away, the door clicks and slowly opens. I hold my breath as I look at the person opening the door.

A strange man looks at me. He wears a suit and has dark hair and dark eyes. He looks completely confused as he looks at me. "Can I help you?" he asks me. I am completely thrown off guard. Who is this man? Where are the guys?

"H-Hi, sorry to bother you," I tell him with a shaking voice, "I am looking for seven guys." He looks even more confused. "Seven guys?" he asks. Now I realize how stupid that sounds. "Yes, they live here. They are from Korea," I tell him.

The man shakes his head. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I live here with my wife and my kids. There are no seven guys here," he says. I feel confused. Is this the wrong house? No, I know for sure this is the right house! But where are they? And who is this man?

"Look, I need to get to work, so I want to ask you to leave," the man says. I nod, but am completely frozen. But then I look at the man again. "Since when do you live here?" I ask him. "Since four months," the man says.

Everything clicks like a huge puzzle. The guys sold this house... They don't live here anymore. They haven't been here since they left for Korea months ago... Of course this man doesn't know what I am talking about. He doesn't know the guys. Their management probably took care of the sale. This man has no idea who lived in this house before him.

"I am so sorry," I tell the man, "The people I'm looking for lived here six months ago. They probably sold this house. I didn't know. I am so sorry." The man still looks really confused, but nods. "I'm sorry, have a nice day," I tell him. Before he can say anything, I go back to my car. I quickly get in and close the door behind me.

The guys aren't here. They sold the house. That means they probably got another house or they are in a hotel somewhere in L.A.. But I have no idea where they are. I thought I did, but I don't. I thought I had a chance to see him again. A chance to talk to him and tell him how much he means to me. But I don't. I have no idea where he is. I can't go see him... I mean, I could ask Kaylee, but we both know I am not allowed to do that. This was just a small opportunity to break the rules and do what is not allowed. But the universe showed me one more time that I am not allowed to be with him. This is a sign from the universe. I am not allowed to see him or talk to him or even hug him. I need to live my own life... Without him...

As I start my car, I hear the first beats of I Need U blast through my speakers. I scare and look at my radio. I freeze completely and just stare at my radio as it plays the song I used to love so much. Used to love... Because while I listen to the song right here, in my car, it just feels... awful. The song has an amazing beat and the voices of the guys are amazing, but I can't seem to understand why I liked it so much. As I listen to the lyrics, I feel like they are talking to me.

Do I need Taehyung in order to survive? I didn't think so. But as I sit here in my car, in front of his old house, I feel like I can't live without him. How am I supposed to go on with my life, knowing I will probably never see him again? Is he my everything?

I always knew the translation of the lyrics. But they never felt so real. They never spoke to me like they do right now.

Love is the most beautiful emotion in life. But it is also the most dangerous emotion. Once we love, we can't let go, even if we have to. Even if we have no choice but to let go, we just can't. Once you love someone, it takes a lot to let that person go. I mean, why would we? We decided that this person is worth loving. We decided that this person is a reason for us to exist. This person is the reason for our smile and our laughs. Why would we ever let that go?

Unless you have no choice... Like Taehyung and me. We never wanted to let each other go, but we had no choice. Then love is dangerous. Whenever you love someone but can't be with that person, we do crazy things. We search for ways to get closer to that person in any way possible. We try to find ways when there aren't any. Whatever it takes...

Even if that person lives on the other side of the world. Even if that person sold his house. The only place you knew where to find him... Even then, we try to find ways to be closer to that person. But we all get to a point where we have nothing left. No other option to be closer to that person. What are we supposed to do then? Let go? Let go of that one person who made you feel happy?

Sure, I have one option left. I have Kaylee. She knows where I could find Taehyung. But she is not allowed to tell me. Maybe she won't even tell me. But maybe I just shouldn't ask her in the first place. I am supposed to move on and let go. I have to be happy with the fact that I was able to see him again last night. That night was a gift, something not everyone gets. That night was our last goodbye.

Yes, Taehyung made clear that he isn't ready to move on either. But what can I do about it? Right, nothing. There is nothing I can do. That one night was our escape. It was our change to feel what our lives used to feel like. Like a small taste of the good and happy life. But that was all it was. Just one single taste.