James Buchanan Barnes Imagines

Trying.

You stared at your screen. Tears falling on the bright light in your eyes. 2am.

Why were you still looking?

It was impossible not too. She died and you were told through text. Couldn't see her face. Not anymore.

Your mom died in a plane accident on her vacation trip to California. She decided to go because you did it for Mothers day. For her. On a special day. Not knowing it would be the last smile you saw on her face for the rest of yoru life. You threw your phone and hid under the covers on your bed. Your phone broke. You know it. But you didn't care. You cried all night.

When the sun came up you peeked over your sheets and hid under them once again. You didn't want to see the light, you wanted to be in the dark. You got up as your eyes were puffy and red. You closed every window and turned off every light you had. You felt your stomach turn as you remembered your mothers face in that moment.

                               ~

"Go mom! You deserve it! Your plabe leaves in 4 hours, but by the time you get there you'd have 2 hours to get on and go!" You said pushing her twords her room as you both laughed.

"I'm going! I'm going!" She said as she started packing her bags.

"I want you to enjoy yourself. Please." You said handing her the passport.

She smiled as she took it and hugged you. You hugged her back.

Dad would've been proud.

You pulled away as you packed her bag at a mighty speed. You were done in the next 10 minutes as you took her bag to the car. She got in the driver's seat as you looked at her through the passenger window.

"Thank you sweetie." She said softly.

"Anything for the best mom in the world." You responded with a smile.

"I love you. And no party's! Or trashing the house, don't forget your chores either!" She said listing things.

"I know! I won't, I promise! I love you!" You yelled backing up fodm the car.

She waved as she rode off and you waved back. You thought she was going to have a good time. The best in her life.

                                ~
You felt numb. You thought you did a good thing. A great thing for her. Instead, you thought you killed her.

You heard a knock on your door. It used to be her door. You didn't answer it, instead you laid back in bed and waited for them to go away. Meanwhile, your boyfriend of 2 years, Bucky, was at the door. He took out his phone and called you. You saw it and answered as you tried to put on the best fake voice.

"How long you plan on keeping me at your door?" Bucky said chuckling.

"Not now." You replied as your voice cracked.

There was a pause. You could feel the confusion rise in him through the phone.

"What's wrong doll?" He asked quietly.

No response from you. You couldn't, if you opened your mouth you would ball out crying. Everytime you felt sad and someone asked 'What's wrong?' you'd break out crying once more.

"Doll, please. Don't make me pick this door." He said half worried but trying to joke so he could cheer you up.

You hung up. You had no idea what to say to him. What were you going to say?

You heard your door open. You slightly smiled knowing he picked it and walked right in. He called out your name softly but loud enough for you to hear. You didn't answer. You messed with the seem of your sweater trying not to cry. You had on a black sweater, and white shorts as your hair was, surprisingly, in good shape. Sort of.

You were facing the window on your bed as your back was to your bedroom door. You heard his footsteps get closer and soon enough, your door was open.

He looked around and saw as it was purely dark. He turned on the little lamp on your desk that gave him somewhat light. He saw you, not even facing him. You walked over to your bed and got on it as you felt it dip. He wrapped his arms around your collarbone and you were sitting in between his legs. He kissed your temple as he turned your gaze to him.

His eyes filled with sadness as he saw you. You didn't even look at him as you closed your eyes and tears fell again.

"What happened?" He asked his voice cracking.

"I-...She-...My m-mom..." You whispered looking at him.

His blue eyes were now filled with curiosity. Your mom was like his mom. She helped you take care of him when you found him after his H.Y.D.R.A days. He was quiet, but still managed to make you smile.

"I- I planned t-this trip-" Your voice cracked as you moved your head and buried it in your hands.

Quiet sobs escaped your lips as you continued.

"S-she was sup-posed to go to C-california...h-her plane c-crashed. I- I got the text m-message early t-this morning..." Your voice was muffled by your hands but Bucky hear everything.

Tears left his eyes as he hugged you tighter. He was hurt. Not as much as you but it still hurt him that one of the people that he much appreciated has left. He then tought about how alone you were in this house, how it was your job to take care of it now. It was all on you now.

"I'm s-sorry doll. I really am." He whispered in the crook of your neck.

"It's not your fault. It's m-mine." You said looking down.

His head was up as he turned you around and his eyebrows were creased as tears were still threatening to leave his eyes. You didn't look at him, so in response to this he took your chin and lightly brought up your gaze.

"It is not."

"It is! I sent her o-on that plane! It was supposed to be a- a Mothers day gift! I-...She died- It was- me..." You said creasing your eyebrows as you ran a hand through your hair.

It was clear you felt a mix of emotions. Pain, confused, guilt, and sadness. You were also panicking. Who was going to pay the bills? Who was going to talk to you when you had issues? Who was going to be....like your mom?

That's when you felt the softest pairs of lips in yours. For a moment, you forgot Bucky was there. You were lost in your thoughts, for the 30th time today. Not a second later you kissed back. It was a sweet but helping kiss. You both pulled away as you put your forehead on his chest. He ran his fingers through your hair as he kissed the top of your head.

"It wasn't your fault. Things happen thats out of our control. You had nothing to do with the plane, you were just trying to do somethin nice for your mom. Yes, it kills me that the person who helped me through my times, mom died, but you couldn't do anything. Neither could I. Just know this, she's still with you. Right now."

"B-but I want her to be here." You said softly.

"I do too doll. But we'll get through this. Together." He responded as he kissed your cheek.

You buried your head in his chest once again as he just held you. You lost your mom, but the thought of you losing him too. You couldn't. You can't.

"Together." He whispered once more in the crook of your neck.

"Together."

(THIS ONE HURT. A LOT. I hope you liked it cuz I cried hehe. Ouch.)