James Buchanan Barnes Imagines

It trailed back

Warning: Talk about Suicide, in one part I believe. If this triggers something please move on.

You killed off the last guy in the hall. His cold, pale, and kicked body hitting the floor. You took out your pint up rage on them, but you still had more. Lots more.

You were on the top list, H.Y.D.R.As best assassins list. Rift next to their top best, The Winter Soldier. For a good 4 months now, he's been your mentor. Teaching you things that you didn't or already knew about, he was a quiet one. For Polar opposites, you two made a hell of a team. You didn't even need to communicate to eachother to get the job done, it was just natural. But today, you were beyond pissed. And if you weren't careful and couldn't control your emotions, then you were blinded from the real fight. You knew how bad H.Y.D.R.A was, but you had no choice but to follow them. The blackmail and constant reassurance that they can kill you was enough to force you to continue. But, after you tried to kill yourself one night, they did something to you that way worse then death. Worst then anything. You have the fresh scar on your back to prove it.

"What are you doing?" His voice came from behind you.

You looked at your fingers. Blood between your nails and the sticky feeling on your fingertips. Your eyes drifted twords the dead body, their neck bleeding out onto the floor. You dropped your hand and faced the Soldier, his icy blue eyes already piercing through your skin. He shook his head and grabbed your wrist.

"We need to move. We'll talk about this later." He grumbled, his metal fingers digging into your wrist.

Stepping out into the snowy fields, you two headed back to the safe house. Fast out from the mission sight and deep in the woods. Once you two reached there, he let go of your wrist as you brushed past him. Immediately, you found your dark corner and sat in it, your knees brought to your chest. He checked room after room making sure no one was there while you two were gone. After he did that, he stood infront of you watching as you continued to stare into space. He leaned over and grabbed your shoulder standing you up. His body blocking your way out, his hair flowed freely on the sides of his face, and his gaze on you- stuck.

"What's our number one rule?" He growled.

You stayed silent for a bit before answering quietly, "Follow orders."

"So why did you fuck them up?" He asked, letting go of your shoulder but still cornering you.

"I didn't." You answered, looking away from his burning gaze.

"You did." His voice came out harsh and factly, "Why?"

"Their dead aren't they?! Problem solved!" You shouted in frustration, your jaw clenching as you pushed him away, "God, why don't you back off?!"

He was taken back by your sudden out burst and action, but soon regained his common sense and pinned you against the wall. His fingers digging deep into the sides on your hips, you tried pushing him off again but he moved his hands from your waist and hooked his fingers around your wrists instead. His body was pushed flush against yours so you wouldn't try anything else.

"What did you say?" His voice came out rather calm, eerie calm, "Want to try that again?"

Your breathing hitched, you fucked up again. Your eyes teared from his gaze once more as you struggled to get free. You hated this job, you hated everything about it. The fact that you couldn't go anywhere or do anything out of line without them noticing first, and the fact that they won't let you forget. They won't wipe you. That was the worse one. Your thoughts were ripped from you when the Soldier let your wrists go and placed them gently on your waist instead. You didn't even fight, you let your arms fall to your side and closed your eyes in frustration.

"What is this all about?" He continued asking questions.

You looked at him, your vision becoming blurry and the feeling of a oncoming sob trapped in the back of your throat.

"It's nothing. Stop asking." You answered, your eyes meeting his.

He could tell just by the look on your face you were lying. He understood the amount of pressure this job held, the amount of grief and anger that got pent up inside of you. But, he was still half brainwashed and that half followed orders, and his orders were to protect you. Not feel bad. He backed up and turned on his heel walking away, his gut immediately feeling empty when you weren't under his touch. You had this kind of effect on him, the effect that had him thinking about it for days at a time. Once he was gone, you slowly slid down the wall and into a ball, quiet sobs and cries leaving your throat. After a while, you stood up and cleaned yourself of the dried up blood on your body and hands. You threw on your clothes and walked to your window, sitting in the same spot, and your forehead against the cold glass. You felt numb. You felt like there was no escape, no matter how hard you try and run away from them. From a corner, he was watching you. Studying you from a distance, seeing what he can improve in the next training session. But, his mind count stay focused. He was constantly finding himself thinking about if you were okay or not. With a heavy sigh, he got up and walked to you.

You saw in the reflection of the mirror that he was coming. Probably to all more questions and quiz you again, you didn't care what kind of punishment you'd get for not answering him. You were done. Done talking and moving for the rest of the day. Instead of quizzing you again, he did something you'd never thought he'd do. He hugged you. His arms wrapped around your torso and his chin resting on top of your head. He was never one for physical contact, he didn't like to be touched or even bumped into. He didn't like eyes on him, the slightest movement set him on edge, and his mind was always focused on everything yet nothing all the time. His arms made you feel secure, safe even. Your walls crumbled down and you turned in his arms, your face buried in his chest. You didn't want him to see you so weak and vulnerable, he taught you better than that. But again, to your surprise he rubbed your back and nuzzled his face in your hair.

"Дышать." He spoke softly, gently stroking your hair. (Breathe.)

"Я не хочу здесь находиться." Your voice broke. (I don't want to be here.)

He didn't respond. In all honesty, he didn't want to be here either. But he had no choice. He's been through nights like this, he's been this confused and angry before. And something deep inside him, something like pain, comes when he sees you like this. He sighs and picks you up, your legs instinctively wrap around his waist as he walks you to your cot. He knew in your state you wouldn't want to do anything, you'd even put up a fight just to stay in bed. And he was right, as soon as his hands were firm under your legs, your body went limp. Exhausted from the 4 weeks you two have been trapped in a snowy forest and fighting the whole time. In that moment, his heart went soft. His guard came down and he allowed himself to embrace your touch, he didn't realize how much he needed this until you were clunged to him. He laid you down but you didn't let go, your grip only got stronger.

"Let go." He whispered, his thumbs rubbing circles on your hips.

"Please?" You mumbled in his neck.

You didn't even have to say what you meant for him to understand. He wanted to fight it. Tell you that he's your mentor and responsible for what happens to you, but he also didn't speak. He also fought with himself about weather or not to accept this. With a small smile, he laid in the cot. Your body ontop of his with your head in the crook of his neck, his hands wrapped around your waist and his head resting beside yours. His brought his leg up slightly and nuzzled further into you. He felt at peace. As if he wasn't working for a dangerous organization, instead he was with you. In a safe place, protecting you from anything. His attention was back to your state once he felt your breathing even out, indicating you were sleep. He thought now was the best time to leave you be, but his body said otherwise as he stayed put. He finally allowed it. He finally allowed himself to be free for however long this would last. He didn't want to leave and he wasn't.

He kissed your temple and sighed, "You're something else."