James Buchanan Barnes Imagines

Under control

You used to work for HYDRA. Serving under their command whenever they needed you, mind controlled. They always wiped you, erased what little hope you had of getting out of there, filled your head with their lies of pain, and kept you under ground in a cell by yourself. They knew how dangerous you were and that letting you out would mean the cause of their death.

They had no worries though, thinking they were completely safe in a hidden base, somewhere between Siberia and Moscow that no one could find where they were. That was, until an explosion happened and you were dragged into another organization. SHIELD. They helped you clear your name, give you a safe home, and put you in a team that you could trust. Life was starting to turn around for you, until a new recruit came in. James Buchanan Barnes, or the Winter Soldier. As soon as your eyes locked, your heart dropped and the air was sucked out of you. James was still in your presence, he never moved out of worry and fear. You remember him, the screams of pain, how he looked at you, practically pleading for help. You remember all of it, you were the one to cause him that pain.

Ever since that first encounter, there hasn't been another one. You'd hear his screams at night and want nothing more than to go in and help him, but you knew you'd just add on to his fear. You made sure to never be in his line of sight, you made sure to stay out his way and in your own lane. You even memorized when he'd be out of his bedroom, in the kitchen, or the training room. You knew it was creepy but you had too, to keep him from being scared even more, and to keep yourself alive. You never accidentally bumped into him, brushed past him, or even forget he was there, you always made sure he wasn't before you'd do your own thing and leave it be. The time in HYDRA when they had you under control still haunted you, the mask they put on your face everytime you were assigned to him, that stupid logo imprinted on your neck, everything.

The logo was still there, you just cover it up with makeup and hope it passes, which it does. It haunts you to look in the mirror and see the logo on your neck, the way it shaped into the 6 tentacles, and the skull ontop, you couldn't escape them. So the best way you figured out to forget, was to cover it up.

"Y/n."

Fingers snap infront of your face and you immediately drag yourself out of your thoughts and tense. Looking for the person who snapped.

"Hey." Tony sighed, clapping his hands together, "Welcome back to earth, we need you to focus. You missed the meeting so you need to understand what's going on."

You nod, relaxing your shoulders, "No, I heard. Bombing, investigation mission, saving the people. I know."

"Oh." He was slightly taken aback, "Well then, I guess there's no need for talking then. Be ready by Thursday for the mission, 2pm."

You nodded, watching as he walked away and into the elevator. You felt lightheaded as soon as you saw Tony dissappear. Recently, you haven't been able to sleep, eat, or even think straight. Something in you was messing away at your system, making you less and less active, of course the only thing to distract you from the pain and confusion was fighting. That's how you always handled things, anger, confusion, depression, sadness, all of it was through fighting. Most of your problems was through fighting, most of your pain, but what else could you do?

Walking to your room, the door to your left opened. You hurried getting into your room and slamming the door shut, a few seconds later a knock was heard. You jumped and rushed to the doors of your closet, hiding behind the white wood as you awaited a voice. There were hushed whispers before 3 walked away and one stood, knocking again.

"Y/n. Come on, we need to talk."

You sighed with relief, thinking it was someone else you'd hate facing. Knowing the regret and guilt would be great if you were face to face with the man you hurt. You opened your door and stood there, squinting your eyes as if you could read his mind.