Tenkai Knights One Shots

Survive - Gen X Reader

Day 26: Survive - Gen X Reader

Anyone important is aged up to at least above 18. I don't really have a specification for what age they are

TW: Self-Hatred and Self-Harm. Please talk to someone about these things if you experience it. You can even talk to me. It usually makes you feel better that you are telling someone about what runs through your head.

"Survive. That was all I was able to think of. Day in. Day out. Survive. Such a broad topic isn't it. To survive. To live on. To continue. To keep going. To do whatever to keep oneself alive. To survive. That was the only thing running through my mind. At least, I kept it that way. It was a thought, to say the least. A thought that I kept running through my head for the others would consume me. To survive is to live. To survive is to make it through. A lot of people go through things. It started at age nine. Going through school should be normal, but at age eleven and having insults thrown at me wasn't normal.

Weak. Another broad term. To be weak was to be lesser. Lesser than others stronger than you. To be unworthy or unable to do anything. I was weak. I couldn't stand up for myself or be able to help anyone else. I couldn't fight back, and I couldn't defend myself. I was weak physically and mentally. Talked to my brother about it. He told me something that I could never forget. "Survive." He told me. Tried to. But I couldn't. Because I was weak. That was my first thought of many.

Stupid. Two years later from the first. Stupid meaning not smart. I was stupid. I couldn't do anything properly. I wasn't smart. I asked my brother to teach me things I didn't know so I could learn faster. "Why do you want to learn?" My brother would ask every time I asked for him to teach me. "I want to learn. I want to learn so I'm not stupid." I told him every time. "You're not stupid." My brother would tell me. I would usually ignore what he said and let him teach me. After every study session, he would say Survive. I usually ignored it. I wanted to be smart. Smart, not stupid.

Ugly. That was my next thought. Age 14, looking at myself in the mirror and seeing only flaws. Nothing good about it. Hair was never styled and my taste in clothes wasn't good. My brother walked in on me just standing there. I was playing with the ends of my hoodie when he patted my head. "Survive." He would say and helped me pick out a better suitable outfit. I never really heard it.

Pain. Cut to hide the pain. Aged fifteen with a razor to my arms, decorating it with cuts. The colour of a deep red flowing down my arms. I didn't understand my mindset then. It looked pretty to me. It tainted my skin. Tainted it with the red that flowed down my arms. My legs. There was no way to remove them. To heal them. My brother caught me once. He sat me on the bed, wrapped his arms around me and whispered Survive. I was too busy crying to hear it.

Useless. Every girl dreams of being sixteen. To have a sweet sixteen. That wasn't a good time. Having turned sixteen, I thought nothing of it. My brother and I were walking to the park, to have ice cream when I was hit by a car as we were walking across the road. Went to the hospital. Survived. When I was released, I was told I was useless. By a lot of people. My parents did too. My brother didn't. He kept me safe. "Survive" He had written on a paper. One that I hadn't seen til later in life.

Hope. I found hope. But as fast as I found hope, I found despair. My brother moved out, to live on his own. To live without me. That's what I was. Alone. Forever. "Survive" was the last word he said to me before he left. I never said by to him. A year later and another thought didn't leave me.

Death. I decided to end my life. Except I couldn't. Blood running down my clothes and blacked out. However long later, woke up in a hospital bed. My brother was with me and so were his friends. My brother explained that he was visiting me and wanted me to meet his friends. "Survive" I remember my brother saying. It was the first time I heard it. Properly. Without anything to distract me. I nodded without thinking. Then it got to last year. When I was 19.

Survive. That was all I was able to think of. Kept running it through my mind. For if I didn't, all my thoughts would consume me. And constantly now, as I have let my past behind with all my dark thoughts, I constantly remind myself to survive. Because that is what my brother wanted for me. For when I turned 19, my brother was supposed to turn 21. He was supposed to. Before he died." I explained everything to Gen.

"Is that why you and Ceylan were so close. Because he kept you safe?" Gen asked, holding my hand.

"Yes. He was one of the few people who kept me going. Meeting you guys also made me feel sane. I'm way better now but he was kind of like a rock in my life." I said.

"I'm sorry. I wish we could have helped him." Gen apologised, looking down. I gave him a smile.

"It's okay. I just hoped he lived his life as best as he can." I said.

"He didn't just survive. He lived. For others and for you." Gen said.

"Yeah. I know. I know that he lived as best as he can, so I am okay." I said. Gen pulled me into a hug.

"Yeah. Anyways, we have a date to go on, so no more of this sad stuff." Gen said, holding my hand as we both stood up.

"Yeah. But first, we have to get flowers." I said.

"Yeah. Are we getting Delphiums again or different ones?" Gen asked as we put on our shoes.

"You know, I'm kind of thinking we get Hyacinths this time," I said, smiling.

We both left, grabbing anything that we needed and made our way to the flower shop.

We got a bouquet of flowers before going to the graveyard, immediately knowing where the tombstone was.

'Here lays Ceylan Awesome Jones. Friend, Brother, Son.'

I smiled looking at the familiar tombstone.

"He better be making people smiling up there," I said.

"Yeah," Gen said as I put the bouquet down and we soon left.

A/N: I hate the ending to this but it was the best I came up with when I was writing. This is the last of my pre-written but I forgot to publish it like days ago. If you have checked either my Tumblr or A03, you'd see that I'm a big KiriKamiBaku fan and am currently writing something for it. So my attention is gonna be constantly in different places but I have another chapter planned so I'll get to writing it soon.

P.s: Basically the entire first portion, the storytelling part is a story I wrote two, almost three years ago for a school assignment. Hahaha. If anyone would like more context to it or about it, I would be happy and fine to share.