The Heartbreak Factor - Part Three

Chapter Fifteen.

“I’m so sorry, Sammy,” Chloe said to me as she rushed over to me as I got all of my stuff together.

“I’ve never understood that,” I said as I put my dressing gown into my bag. “You know, when people say they’re sorry when somebody dies. It’s not like it was actually their fault and it’s not like they could have stopped it from happening, so why do they even say they’re sorry because they’re evidently not as it’s not their doing.”

Chloe stood looking at me in silence. I don’t even think she knew what to say, just like all the doctors and George.

“Do you need any help?” she asked as I began to get changed out of my pyjamas.

I shook my head as I lifted my shirt up. As I grabbed my hoodie, I caught Chloe’s look of shock as she looked at my stomach. “It won’t scar,” I smiled, rubbing my finger slowly along the stitching at the bottom of my stomach, slightly flinching at the touch.

“Is that.. where..?”

“Is that where they cut me open to get rid of my baby?” I said. “Yes.” Chloe looked at me in even more shock. “What now?”

“You said your baby. You’ve never said that. You’ve only ever referred to it as ‘it’ or ‘the baby’ or ‘George’s baby’.”

I looked at her as I carefully put my jeans on, making sure it didn’t rub the stitches. Sitting down on the bed next to her, I could feel tears coming.

“Do you want to know what was really going through my mind before I collapsed?” Chloe nodded. “Apart from the pain, all I could think of was my baby. Maybe it was my own fault for not loving my baby from the very start because just minutes before collapsing I decided that I wanted this baby and was going to do everything to make sure this baby was happy. Before I collapsed and when I was in agony, I knew something was wrong but I was praying that the baby was okay.”

“Sammy,” Chloe sighed, putting her arm around me.

“And right now, I wish that the baby was here but I wasn’t.”

“You can’t say something like that,” she said. “It was an unfortunate thing to happen – it wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, but no matter how many times George denies it and attempts to make me think differently, I know that he blames me for losing the baby and he always will.”

“Just because you’re heartbroken right now does not mean that I won’t slap you for talking crap,” Chloe said sternly. “George loves you and he may be devastated but that doesn’t mean that he won’t get over this. It might take him a few weeks or it might take him a few months but he will get over this. But losing you? He’d never get over that.”

“He’s better off without me though because everybody I love I end up losing in the end – dad, granny and now the baby.”

“Sammy, all those things were out of your control. You can’t blame yourself for their deaths,” Chloe sighed, hugging me.

As Chloe hugged me, I could feel a tear trickling down my face – the first tear I had cried since losing the baby. Wrapping her arms around me tighter, Chloe began to play with my hair in an attempt to comfort me. I heard the door open and Chloe slowly got off the bed to be replaced with George wrapping his arms around me.

“Everything is going to be okay.”