The Heartbreak Factor - Part Three

Chapter Ten.

Sat flicking through the television channels, I tried to find something decent to watch. “I’m going to show the boys,” George grinned as he walked into the lounge, holding onto the photo from the baby scan. “I shouldn’t be back too late.”

“Don’t worry,” I smiled. “Kayla’s coming over for a movie night later anyway.”

“Have fun,” George said, kissing me. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” I replied with a delay as he walked out the front door.

After a few moments of flicking through the channels again, I gave up and turned the television off. I got off the sofa and headed into the bedroom, running my fingers through my hair. Opening up the wardrobe doors, I leered in at all the clothes that wouldn’t fit me in a few months. Walking over to the mirror, I lifted my jumper up slightly. I suppose I did have a baby bump growing. Patting it, I pulled my jumper back down and walked into the bathroom to get ready to go to Kayla’s for a girls’ night in.

As I stood putting make-up on, looking at my reflection in the mirror, I hated what was looking right back at me. I looked awful. I thought pregnant women were supposed to have this ‘glowing baby glow’ – but then again, I was still a girl, not a woman.

“Sammy,” a voice called from outside the bathroom.

Walking out of the bathroom, I saw George stood in the doorway. “Did you forget something?” I smiled.

“Here,” he grinned, chucking a teddy at me. “It’s for the baby.”

As he walked back out, I looked down at the teddy in my hands. It killed me knowing how excited he was, yet I didn’t feel the same excitement that he did.

“I’ve seriously got to go now,” he laughed. “But I love you two lots.”

*

“Sammy,” Kayla said, looking at me as I tried to hide behind the bag of popcorn. “What’s wrong? You don’t seem yourself and it’s like something’s troubling you.”

Kayla reached over and pulled the bag of popcorn away from my face. “I promised George I wouldn’t tell you yet,” I explained, wiping the tear from my cheek.

“It’s obviously bothering you so surely George will understand if you tell me,” she smiled, taking hold of my hand. “Come on Sam, you can trust me.”

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out.

“Oh honey,” she said, shuffling over the sofa to sit beside me.

“See,” I sniffled. “You understand. Nobody else seems to understand why this is such a bad thing.”

“Babe, it’s not a bad thing,” she smiled. “But it’s not a good thing either.”

“George is so happy with everything and can’t wait to be a dad. He’s going to be an amazing dad but I’m too young.. we’re too young.”

“I thought that with Christopher,” Kayla said, hugging me tightly.

“And you’ve been an amazing mum to him,” I said. “But you felt something towards him when you found out you were pregnant, didn’t you?”

“I loved him from the minute the test read positive,” she smiled, looking at me.

“That’s the thing,” I cried. “I don’t feel anything towards this baby and I’m scared that I never will.”

“You will,” she said. “You’ll love your baby more than anything when it gets closer.”

“We had a scan today and I didn’t feel anything then. Parents always say they fall in love with their child from the minute they see it on the screen.. but all I could see was a blob and I felt nothing,” I broke down, wiping the tears from my eyes with a tissue. “George was getting all emotional and excited, but I felt nothing. What happens if I never love this baby and end up resenting it?”

“Have you told George this?” she asked.

I looked up at her. “How can I tell him when he’s so happy?”

“George loves you and he’ll want what’s best for the both of you.”

“I have no choice though,” I said, crunching up a piece of popcorn in my hand.

Kayla looked at me and then at the popcorn that was in pieces in my hand. “Sammy,” she said, taking the pieces of popcorn from my hand and putting them on the coffee table. “You always have a choice.”

Looking up at her, I knew exactly what she meant. “What are you saying I should do then?” I asked.

“I’m not saying what you should do but you have options,” she said. “But you need to talk to George about how you feel; after all, this is his baby too.”

*

Sat on the sofa stroking Lily, all I could think about was what Kayla had said to me earlier. All these options were going around my head but I could only thing of one and there was no way I’d abort this baby. I knew I wasn’t a huge fan of the idea but I couldn’t do something like that to George nor to his baby.

“I’ll have to learn to love it,” I supposed to myself as I ran my hands through Lily’s fur.

“You’ve got life so easy, Lily,” I laughed. “You get to lounge around all day and don’t have to worry about album deadlines or being pregnant or the media finding out.”

Resting my head back on the sofa, I continued to stroke Lily as my eyes slowly began to close shut. As I began to fall asleep, I was awoken by the front door opening.

“Sorry,” George grinned as he walked into the lounge to see me half-awake on the sofa.

“It’s okay,” I said. “We need to talk anyway.”

“What about?” he smiled, sitting down next to me.

I looked at his genuine smile and then down at Lily fast asleep in my lap.

“I think we should start to tell people now.” His smile grew even bigger as soon as I said it. “We need to tell our families first before we actually go public with it, so I was thinking about what if we have both our families over on Saturday so we can tell them all together.”

“Only if you’re sure,” he smiled.

I wasn’t sure but I had to learn to be sure with it - I nodded.

“My mum won’t go insane at me if your family are there too,” I smiled.

“She won’t anyway,” George grinned. “She’s always been joking about us having a family one day.”

“I’ve just turned 20 and she told me to not even think about having sex until I was at least thirty and married,” I laughed.

“It’ll be okay,” he smiled.