𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐀 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐥 ♡ MinSung

Ch. 24

Jisung swung his legs while he sat at his desk staring blankly at the old notebook that sat before him. He had dug up an old note pad to write all of his diary entries on until he got the other one back from Minho-- if he ever gives it back that is.

He wanted to write a knew entry tonight, but had no idea what to do it about, even though he had a whole day to base it off of.

Everything just seemed so bland now.

His mind ended up running back to a few days ago on Thursday when he had been with Minho. What his lips felt like running up against his. They were soft and loose and he knew how to move them perfectly to make Jisung want to melt into his arms.

He could almost still feel Minhos hands squeezing at his butt, and the way he had gasped so embarrassingly loud. It wasn't even that big of a deal, so why did he have to gasp like that.

Over the past days, he had spent a lot of time thinking especially about what Minho had said about his waist and his sense of fashion. Jisung was always averagely insecure about certain parts of if his body.

His thighs seemed too thick, his hands seemed to small, his face seemed much too round his eyes seemed to big in proportion to the rest of his face, and now, he was worrying about the size of his waist.

Jisung lifted his middle and ring finger to his face, brushing them slightly over his lips, the feeling of Minho still lingering on them.

Where had Jisungs pride gone?

He had basically begged for Minho to use him, and for what? For a few moments of bliss that would make him forget? But now that it was over he could still remember.

Jisung felt so filthy that he had let someone, let alone another man, use his body for nothing in return.

The boy reached for his phone, logging in and clicking on the messages app. He wasted no time at all going to his conversation with Minho.

He read through every message they had sent one another. In every conversation, Minho seemed mean or manipulative, and Jisung just seemed to cower under him. To the younger however, the conversations looked perfectly normal.

Jisung nearly fell from his chair when he heard his father's voice behind him. "Jisung?" He asked.

The boy turned to see his father for the first time in 3 days. There was a light stubble over his chin and his hair was swept out of his face neatly.

"Hi.." he muttered putting his phone away and turning to look at the floor. He didn't want to look his father in the eye.

"I wanted to talk to you. You've seemed.. distant." He sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Me? I've seemed distant? But not you. Not you who's been huddled up in his office for the past three days." Jisung scoffed. His dad was the one being distant.

"You know what I mean."

"No, no I don't dad. I have no idea what you mean. I haven't seen you in days-- I live with you!" Jisung insisted. He knew that he had lost his temper very quickly just then, but he figured that his father had it coming.

The old man stayed quiet, but didn't look away from his son, still making eye contact. Jisung wasn't sure if he made him mad or not, but he seemed relatively calm. "You're right." His dad whispered.

"Huh...?" Jisung said not really expecting that answer.

"You're right." He repeated, "I've been far to distracted... but so have you. You never make an effort to talk to me, or tell me that you love me anymore."

Jisung took a sharp breath, knowing that he couldn't blow up at him right now. "I never talk to you because you never seem to want to. You're always cooped up in your study working-- especially after a came out to you."

"You supposedly being gay has nothing to do with this-"

"I've told you, it's not 'supposedly', I am gay. I thought you accepted that already." Jisung mentioned the week before when they had had dinner together.

"How would you know Jisung? You're.. you're you." The teenager couldn't help but hear how his tone made that seem like a bad thing.

"What do you mean by that." He asked, dreading what he might say.

"You're always anxious Jisung, you don't have friends, you've never been in any type of relationship and never had any type of sexual relations-- especially not with another man. How would you know what you like? You've never tried anything." He said softly, trying hard not to offend his son.

In that moment, Jisung knew how his father saw him. As a hopeless teenager that no one his age liked, that would never lose his virginity and never be anyone in life. He felt obligated to prove him wrong, even if he may have been right. "No, I do have friends, like Felix and Jeongin, and I have lost my virginity, I just never told you."

Lies.

Jeongin wasn't his friend, and he would probably he dead before he lost his v-card.

"Huh? You lost you're virginity? When? Who? ..How?" He kinked his eyebrows together, "How come you never told me?"

Jisung knew he couldn't tell the truth now, so he dig himself into a deeper hole. "About a month ago. I never told you because it was to a man, and I wasn't out to you."

They both stayed quiet for a long while, giving Jisung time to analyze how bad he had fucked up.

"To who..?" He asked.

Jisung quickly spurt out the one person that came to mind, "Minho. My upper-classmen."

"The one in the texts? That said such horrible things?" The man seemed more worried than anything now. Had his son really given away his purity to someone who treats him so wrong?

"He's not like that in person.." Jisung was quick to defend him, "Trust me, if you met him in person you'd change your mind."

"Then let me meet him. I want to meet him." The man said with a dead serious gleam shimmering in his eye.

Jisung froze, his mind raging to find some sort of excuse. His father couldn't meet Minho. "We aren't dating or anything.. it would be weird for you to meet him.." he said looking the other way.

"Jisung-"

"You don't get to meet him dad! End of discussion." Jisung got up out of his seat and stuffed his wallet and phone into his back pocket, "I'm going to meet Felix.."

"It's 8pm.." his dad called weakly as he stomped out of the room but gave up when he heard the front door slam closed.