𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐀 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐥 ♡ MinSung

Ch. 110

After a week and a few extra days of being home and 'getting rest', it was officially time for Jisung to go back to that dreaded school. He wasn't switching schools until after the spring break anyway.

Apparently you can't just randomly switch schools anymore, so there were some complications and that meant that Jisung stayed at the old school.

Was he happy? Kind of.. but he was also a lot more scared. When he went back, Jeong-Hoon wouldn't be gone, JinYoung wouldn't be gone.. and worst of all, Minho would act like a dick again.

He knew that the elder was only doing it to protect the both of them, but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt.

He dreaded the feeling of Minho simply turning a blind eye when Jisung was in need of help, and would do anything to make sure he didn't get that feeling.

His father kept saying something about calling him if anything went wrong, but Jisung knew damn well that he would never do that. He didn't need his father intruding into the part of his life that he preferred to keep a secret.

And while that might sound rude and disrespectful, Jisung had good reasons. He didn't want his dad to hate Minho more, and he didn't want him to worry about his child the way Felix had.

Constantly being on the lookout for someone is tiring, and he didn't want his dad to go through that.

And then another thought arose into Jisung's mind; what if everyone at school knew he had been beaten up? That would be absolutely mortifying..

He didn't want to be humiliated like that.

Jisung cried harder, getting up from his position against his bathroom door to go rummage through the drawers of the sink counter.

He pushed aside hairbrushes, elastic bands, toothpast, tweasers, nail clippers and just about a hundred other things in the midst of his panic, trying to find that one small blade.

That was, until he realized something. He stopped moving, remembering how his father had found the blade and taken it away from him so that he could no longer used it.

In the one time, before his father found out, that he had actually used the blade, he had felt an overwhelming rush of relief as the blade hit his skin. Like a deflating balloon.

He just wanted to do it again, to stop himself from panicking so hard. He just needed one cut, just one to make himself feel better. Why did his father have to take that blade away?

He bit his trembling lower lip and looked around anxiously, his eyes darting from one spot to the other. He didn't want to feel like this for any longer. It was suffocating.

His shaking hands delicately moved so the he was hugging himself, going and pressing his forehead against the wall and sinking down into a crouch.

It was getting hard to breath, and his legs had a hard time keeping him up. Was he supposed to feel like this? Because he felt like he was going to die.

He simply wasn't able to breath, like his lungs gave up on him. Maybe he simply wasn't deserving of the air around him.

As he realized that he couldn't breath, panicking even more, he started to freak out. He flipped around to press his back to the wall, groping around for something that might help him.

What would Felix say if he were here? How would Felix deal with this? He would probably tell him to breath...

Jisung tightened his eyes, imagining what Felix would say, and repeated I out loud, "Im through your nose, out through your mouth." He whispered.

He took all of his mind power and took a deep breath through his nose, and tried to breath out but it got caught in his lungs, as if all the oxygen was stripped away from him.

Even more tears well in his eyes as he started to get light-headed. No matter how hard he wanted to breath, the constricting force around his chest wouldn't let him.

Eventually Jisung started to give up, simply letting the numb feeling take over, starting with his hands, then his toes and his eyes. He knew he was going to pass out, and what could he do to prevent it?

He slowly set himself down onto the cold tile floor, feeling numb to the touch. Eventually, through his jagged and still panicked attempts to breath, he closed his eyes.

Tight.

Maybe if he shut them tight enough everything would simply disappear. Maybe if he clenched his fists tight enough he could surface to reality.

It was no use though. He slowly fainted, leaving the world for a minute. As he let go, he let out a soft sigh.

Only once his mind was completely gone, did he take a breath again.

His mind was his own enemy.