Anokhi-Shaurya!
Shaurya-Anokhi! I am ok to talk about it. I mean I want to. I didn't have words before to express but you know sochne ke baad mujhe samjh mein aaya that I may have to find the words along the way, as I talk.
Anokhi-Shaurya! And you may or may not open up. Take your time. If me talking about it makes you feel better than I am here for you.
Shaurya-You know bade papa ne mujhe bataya ki we should probably get back to being friends, leave behind the responsibility of being partners. Let's be friends for today Anokhi. Just friends.
Anokhi-Hmmmm. You are right. Let's just be friends.
Shaurya-Toh kya kare? Now that we have a couple of days? I don't know if this is the right thing to say but. You know maybe we should....
Anokhi-Friend se baat karne se pehle socho toh woh friend nhi.
Shaurya-I mean Anokhi ek vacation pe jahan we can find ourselves back, the people who we were before we came parents, find what our relationship meant before being parents.
Anokhi-Hhhhmmm. You know mujhe issi baat ka darr hai with time on our hands wont we feels it's absence even more?
Shaurya-Maybe. Maybe not.
Anokhi-You know I want to be around family. Aastha maa, Shaan papa, Badi maa, Bade papa and Chacha, Chachi, Kanchan and Yash, Bebo, Kitty.
Shaurya-I think you need di Anokhi.
Anokhi-I do Shaurya.
Shaurya-But we have to live with the loneliness of having lost our child. We can't shield ourselves behind our family.
Anokhi-Shaurya why not let's stay at home for a couple of days till we feel stronger and then go on vacay. I know that's a long off.
Shaurya-Hhmmm. But hum log kitna bhag rhe the Anokhi. We wanted everything to be perfect. We were working towards a perfect work life balance but we just didn't understand that itself takes work. To maintain a job, a pregnancy, our relationship and family. Almost juggling. Maintaining some level of order and discipline. Obviously wasn't all unpleasant. Was great but I just wanna escape from all this. We deserve a break. Time to reconnect with each other, each other beyond the usual, beyond being husband wife, being crazy lovers. And also with ourselves.
Anokhi-Yes. Let's do it.
Shaurya-What do you want to do tonight?
Anokhi-Nothing can prepare us for tomorrow. A day without our child. And usse yaad aya shayd mein hospital mein apne pain se preoccupied thi. I didn't check on you. It's your baby as much as mine. You lost as much as I did. It was in your heart Shaurya as much as it was in my womb.
Shaurya-Tumhe koi idea nhi hai tumhare ye bolna mere liye kya maine rakhti hai. It was my baby too Anokhi jitna tumhara tha and I could never say that till today because you held it in you and I can never. But today you shared it with me. You chose to share with me Anokhi. That is priceless.
Anokhi-No Shaurya maine share nhi kia. Yeh tumhara hai I mean tha. Just because motherhood is different from fatherhood biologically doesn't mean it is any less.
Shaurya-Mere paas koi shabd nhi hai Anokhi. It's too...... Emotional, painful but also beautiful. Because you made this pain beautiful with what you just said.
Anokhi-Mujhe nhi pata tha this is something you didn't know I felt this way about. In fact it's what I believed in right from when I wanted to be pregnant.
Shaurya-And I would have never known......
Anokhi-Khair atleast iss bahane we got to know. I got to know how you feel about being a dad. I got to be loved as a mom and otherwise.
Shaurya-Hmmm but yeh sab baaton ke baad bhi we don't what we should do aaj raat.
Anokhi-Khana khate hai and let's just sleep. I feel so drained and yet....
Shaurya-Hhhmmm. Kya khana hai?
Anokhi-Like a soup.
Shaurya-Let me get it.
Anokhi-Mein bhi aati hoon. Let's see Shaurya Sabbarwal making soup for wifey. And no external help allowed. No YouTube.
Shaurya-Ok maam.
And they walk off towards the kitchen.
Shaurya starts chopping veggies.
Anokhi-Toh kya soup bana rhe ho?
Shaurya- Thinking of a tomato, carrot soup and to go with maybe some butter garlic bread and how about a stir fried greens.
Anokhi-Hhhmmm. Sounds really nice.
Anokhi tries to climb onto the kitchen counter ledge. But she finds it slightly hard. Shaurya notices.
Shaurya-Kya kar rhi ho Anokhi. Pregnant ho tum.
He realises what he just said.
Shaurya-Sorry.
Anokhi-Its going to take both of us time.
Shaurya-Yup. Saying that he gently picks Anokhi and places her on the ledge.
Anokhi-Thanks.
Shaurya-Welcome.
He adds the cut tomatoes and carrot to the mixture and makes a paste, pours it into a pan, adds seasoning and then let's it cook. Meanwhile he starts getting the greens out. Anokhi looks at him cook and smiles. They make small talk, debating on the restaurant which serves the best soup and whether the vegetarian soup is better or the non-vegetarian one. The family looks at the kitchen and it is heartwarming to see that Shaurya and Anokhi were picking up their pieces and trying to find joy in their companionship.
So here goes the next part. From what it looks people didn't enjoy this much..... But then I try to balance things out i.e alternate between happy and sad...... So I do me basically. Anyways would love to have comments with love and constructive feedback..... What's the stuff you want to read after I am done with Loss? 3 updates more to go for loss to get done.
