Love Is In the Snow {Lando Norris & Max Verstappen}

Chapter Sixty-nine - Nightmare

Lando

When I wake up and look at the time I see it is the middle of the night. I have trouble breathing and my mind keeps going back to my crash in August again. Vera is still lying with her head on my chest, and I move as quiet as I can away from her trying not to wake her up. Once I'm up I see Vera still asleep and walk to the balcony to get some fresh air and try to control my breathing. I hate that this keeps happening to me and nothing I do right now seems to help, not even the fresh air, which normally does help.

Vera

I wake up from some sounds and movement in the room. Once I'm awake enough to notice things around me, I notice Lando isn't in bed anymore. I look around and see him standing on the balcony. I get up and walk to him, but soon realize something is wrong. He is standing with his hands grabbing the railing really tight not being able to breath normally and with tears in his eyes. I put my hand on his arm trying not to scare him with my movements. "Heyy, come here" I tell him while making him turn towards me and pulling him close to me. I guide him towards the bed and leave the doors of the balcony open for fresh air. Once I sit on the bed I pull him close to me and wrap my arms around him. "Shhh, everything is okay, you're safe" I tell him remembering his nightmare in Austria the night we spend together. I rub my hand over his arm, letting him know I'm there for him. "Try to control your breathing... In... and out..." I say while doing it myself to help him. "You're safe, you're okay just try to breath" I try to say again and help him taking deep breaths again. After a few minutes I notice his breathing getting a bit normal again, but he has still tears in his eyes. I keep rubbing his arm hoping it gives him some kind of comfort. "I'm sorry" I hear him mumble. "Shhh, you've nothing to be sorry about, you can't do anything about this." There are a few minutes of silence again and I just keep rubbing his arm. "Was this the same nightmare again?" I ask him quietly. He nods still not being able to talk normal. His tears keep streaming down his face and I hate to see him like this, he deserves so much more than this. "Shhh it is okay, you are okay" I tell him again softly. After another few minutes I notices his tears getting less and his breathing is normal again. "I'm sorry for waking you, I didn't want to. You shouldn't have to deal with this" he tells me. I move a bit away from him so I can look at him. He keeps looking down probably not wanting me to see him like this. "You should've woken me up. You shouldn't go through this alone, especially when I'm with you" I tell him, and I slowly lifts up his head, so he is looking at me. "I don't care if you're crying or whatever, if you have a nightmare or panic attack you shouldn't be alone" I say and pull him close again. "I just hate for you to see me like this" he says quietly. "I hate to see you like this to and that is the reason I want to help you. I know what a panic attack feels like, and it will only get worse if you're alone" I tell him. He now looks at me with a surprised face. "Wait! You do?" he asks me, and I nod. "I always used to have them. But not because of an accident, but because of people. So, I know exactly how you feel" I tell him. "Come here" I say and move back on the bed so I'm lying against the pillows. I take his hand and lay it down next to me. I let him rest his head on my belly while moving one of my hands over his back and my other hand through his hair. "How did you get rid of them?" he asks me after a while. "I didn't... I still get them sometimes, but it has become less over time. Mostly because the people who caused them aren't in my life anymore, but sometimes when I think back to that period of my life I still get them. I just know what to do once I feel one coming up or when I'm having a panic attack" I explain to him. He keeps quiet and his tears fall down again. "Do you want to tell me what happened during your crash? Maybe talking about it helps with dealing with it. If you don't want to I understand, only do what feel comfortable with" I tell him. He keeps quiet and I know it is best to not push people to talk so I also keep quiet. "It was at Spa circuit in Belgium" Lando starts after a few minutes. "The weather was really bad and during qualification it was raining. During the last part of the qualification, I lost control of the car in one of the most dangerous and faster corners of the track" he adds and all I can think about is how traumatizing it must have been for him. Needing to get back in the car for more races and I don't know what to say anymore. After a few minutes of silence Lando looks up at me and sees my shocked face. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything" he says immediately. "Don't be sorry, I just... I can't believe you went through all that and still drive the car. Now I get why you keep having nightmares and panic attacks. Did you talk with anyone about this?" I ask him. He lays his head on my belly again before speaking "No, you're the first and only one who knows about my nightmares and panic attacks about the crash" "So you've been going through this for months alone?" I ask him. "Yeah." "I'm sorry, that must have been horrible" I say quietly. After another few minutes of silence, I speak up again. "Just try to get some sleep okay. You're safe with me, nothing is going to happened and if something is wrong just please wake me up" Lando nods and not much later we both fall asleep.