Yours Truly

58: Come into my embrace and explode

Jimin closed his apartment door with his legs. The floors damp, muddy footprints on them. The tv going on and on and on. The light bulb had fused. Perhaps days ago. Books lying everywhere. Mostly torn. English books. Books that Jimin had bought to learn English. Books that Jimin bought, just because Rosé said so.
He tumbled on the floor, with soju and wine bottles in his hands. His puffy cheeks had gotten puffier. His eyes looked heavier. But what about the inside?
How his heart has turned completely into coal. How his tongue has completely turned into acid. How his eyes seek for nothing but Rosé. How he has killed the love of his life.
The doorbell rang once again. Probably the delivery guy. Jimin's tongue slurred as he yelled from inside,
"Keep it on the doorstep and scram!"
"Park Jimin! Open the door right now or I'll break it down this instant!"
Jimin jumped to his feet. Falling down instantly, almost. He somehow scurried towards the door, throwing it open. Dismay in his eyes, surpruse in his vocal cords. His plump lips parted,
"Jisoo?"
Jisoo slightly nudged him to go inside. Annoyed, of course. How could she not be annoyed? Jimin was dying out in front of there own eyes.
"Yah! Park Jimin! What have you done to your house? What have you done to yourself?"
Jisoo felt her homely nature take over. Collecting the soju bottles and fast food packets. Hair in a laid back ponytail. Jimin knew Jisoo was serious. I mean, come on, she has her hair up.
"Why are you here?"
"Oh! To save you ofcourse."
Jimin chuckled. A really bitter one. A one that pierced through Jisoo's heart and turned into the saddest ever sob that she almost couldn't gulp down. Jisoo swore she saw Jimin's face grow darker,
"Leave."
"Yah, Jimin-ah..."
"LEAVE JISOO-SSI. I AM A MONSTER. I KNOW THAT. I KNOW THAT I KILLED ROSÉ. IF NOT FOR ME, ROSÉ WOULD'VE STILL BEEN ALIVE. LEAVE ME FUCKING ALONE!"
Jisoo had to take a step back. Wide eyes, mouth agape. Her mind was going blurry each second. How she could only imagine her mother and the torment she went through. Everytime anyone screamed or yelled at her, she could see her mother. That's the issue with trauma. If, you grew up with the fear of a predator, no matter how grown you are or where you are, there always will be a predator that only you'll see.
Jimin didn't know that. But he could guess. He could guess he triggered something inside Kim Jisoo. His eyes softened, his stance became less wide. He took a step towards Jisoo, with worry written all over,
"Soo-ya, you're alright, right? I'm sorry if I..."
Jisoo snapped out of her headspace. Jimin was more important than her trauma. They need to save him. They can't lose another friend.
"You are sorry? You cared? Right?"
Jimin felt warmth, while right in front of Jisoo's pointed finger. Should he say yes? Should he say no? He was hesitating, his voice was proof of that.
"Ye-s?"
"Then there's no way can you be a monster! You care. You care about me and Sierra and Jennie and your Hyungs and Taehyung-Jungkook. You care about everyone!"
"YEAH! I CARE ABOUT EVERYONE AND THAT'S WHY I'M TRAPPING MYSELF IN! I KILLED ROSÉ! TAEHYUNG AND I HAD A CALL JUST MOMENTS BEFORE HE GOT STABBED. HE ASKED ME ADVISE ON WHETHER OR NOT HE SHOULD GO TALK TO HIS SISTER, AND I TOLD HIM, YES HE SHOULD. AND HE ALMOST DIED. DO YOU NOT GET THE PATTERN? I AM THE MONSTER HERE. IF NOT FOR ME MY PASTA WOULD STILL BE HERE. IF NOT FOR ME TAEHYUNG WOULDN'T BE IN A HOSPITAL. JUST LEAVE! BEFORE SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU. LEAVE!"
Jimin fell on his knees, burrowing his face inside his tiny palms. Sobbing. Jisoo could see him sobbing. She wanted to console him. But, with her hands clutching her chest and her abrupt breathing and the tears in her eyes, it was evident that she was starting to feel too bitter to just convince Jimin wrong.
"Yah, Jisoo-ya. I'm sorry. I know I'm scaring you. But I can't help but scream. I'm filled with frustration to teh brim. I'm a monster. I'm a grenade that'll kill all of you. I've lost my safety pin. My Park Chaeyoung. Please leave. Leave before something happens to you. I can't take another bad thing happening to a person I love and I'm somewhat connected to it. Please."

Jennie sprang back up, from the car. She ran towards her Jisoo-nnie. Horrified by the tears in her eyes. How pale she was. Jin stepped out of the driver's seat, seeing his cousin. Jennie gently held her biceps. Her voice tiny,
"Unnie?"
"We may not be able to save Jimin. He's killing himself bit by bit. He'll die out this way."
"Soo, what are saying? Did Jimin do something to himself?"
Jin felt a thaw in his heart. He can't take it anymore. Jimin can't keep on doing that to himself all because Rosé died. What even was Rosé to him? They didn't even know each other.
Alas, Jin didn't know. No one knew. No one but Jennie, Jisoo, Sierra, Lisa, Jungkook, Taehyung, Namjoon and Yoongi. Jimin just believed.
Jisoo was as still as a rock. Emotionless completely. A sole tear at the window of her eyes,
"He believes he is a monster. He is trapping himself in his own cell."
"Fucking fucker!"
In a moment Jennie was running. She was running with all her strength. Till she was at a familar doorstep. Her tiny fists banging on the white wooden door with all her might. Her register high enough,
"Park Jimin! Open the door this instant! Or I will fucking break it down! I swear Park Jimin!"
Jennie can't lose Jimin. None of them can lose another person. A person so dear to them.
"Open the fucking door! For Rosé's sake! If you ever loved her! Open it!"
And it didn't even take a second more for him to open the door. And neither did it take Jennie to comepletely wrap her arms around him. Breaking down,
"Jimin Oppa, we already lost a sister, we can't lose a brother now. Please?"