Yours Truly

48: I blamed myself once again

Sierra had her back against the wall. Leaning, hands crossed over her chest. Black top, black skinny jeans, a leather jacket and black ankle boots. Pale face, messy hair, swollen eyes.
"Why now Oppa?"
Jimin felt hopeless. As if the full world was closing in on him. He sat there, hair scrunched up between his fingers. Frustration peeking out of his voice, tears in his beautiful eyes,
"STOP! PLEASE I BEG YOU!"
"WELL, HOW CAN YOU ASK ME TO STOP? EVEN WHEN..."
Sierra stopped mid sentence. Her hands still in the air. Her eyes still popping out of their sockets in frustration. And slowly it hit her. The thoughts sunk deep. Jimin had nothing to do with it. It was always the magic.
She regained her posture, this time weaker and softer. Tears trickling at the back of her eyes,
"Rosé is dead."
As if a dagger twisting and turning inside both their hearts. As if they were bleeding inside.
"I killed her. Didn't I?"
It was now Jimin's turn to howl. His heart shattering to pieces. If all Sierra said was true, he was a monster. A monster that killed the bloomind rose.
"It-it... It was-not... You...Oppa..."
"It was me, Ra. Whatever you may say, won't change the fact, that an innocent girl killed herself, because I forgot her existence. I was Rosé's safe place. Her safety pin. I was her lover. She wrote songs about me. She sang lovesongs for me. She danced with a smile, even though she was hurting, for my sake. And I-I... Killed her. I forgot her existence. I talked to her as if she was a stranger. I still don't have a clue if you are telling the truth. But my heart is bleeding so much at your words. It must be true. Why else would I feel this warmth if not for love? I forgot her. Absolutely forgot her. But my heart remembered the pattern it felt. Ra, I killed my one true love. My Rose. And whatever the world says won't change the fact."
Sierra pressed her hands against her mouth. Her teary eyes on Jimin. Two souls. Both thinking of themselves as monsters. Murderers.
Sierra felt it was all her fault. It was all her fault that Rosé had to kill herself. She spotted the game first. The game had gotten her attention. And the girls followed her eyes.
Jimin eagerly believed that he was to be blamed. He came by Rosé, made himself a fortress inside Rosé's heart and... Broke her precious heart.
Jimin threw his arms around Sierra, bawling like a kid. He whispered, in between sobs,
"Sierra, I wish I knew that all this time I was in love with Chaeyoung. Sierra, Chaeyoung has been all up on my mind since she came up to me, asking if I was ghosting her. The authority in her voice when she called me by my full name. The warm fuzzy feeling. If only I came up a bit earlier. If only she held out for one moment more. If only..."

"Kim Taehyung-ssi. Why are you still going around with this French one? Huh? Don't you get it? Our families chose us!"
Park Sooyoung felt miserable. Whatever she did, Sierra was the only name on his lips. She could never be Sierra. And Taehyung would never let anyone in his life, but Sierra. She wanted to scream and yell and howl and cry. But all that came out of her throat was a stern register.
Taehyung scrunched up his brows in annoyance. A small "tsk" like sound escaping his lips. He stood straight up from his leaning state. His beautiful hands tucked inside his pockets. His face scrunched up, hints of Satoori in his voice,
"Yah! Don't YOU get it? My heart chose Sierra. Not you. No matter what happens. It will forever be Sierra."
"But Taehyung, our families had a deal..."
"Over my heart? Sooyoung-ah, would you ever be happy with me? Let's say our families get us married, I'd go on loving Sierra. And don't you think, I'll divorce you soon enough?"
Sooyoung gasped, her palms against her mouth. Her eyes popping off. Her pale face growing paler,
"Kim Taehyung, you don't say..."
"I will divorce you, if you force me to marry you. I'll always find a way towards Sierra. So, please Sooyoung, leave me. You're charming and funny and gorgeous. You'd find someone so much better..."
"You think I can choose? My parents chose you, and that's that. The options are closed for me. So it's rather you or disappointing my parents. So I choose you. I choose to make my parents proud. I choose to be happy."
Tears falling out of her wide eyes. Lips agape. For once, Taehyung felt he wanted to help Sooyoung out. How her mind worked. How brainwashed she was. How badly he wanted to help her.
"Sooyoung, this isn't happiness. This won't make you happy. Please let's help each other out. Please..."
He tried closing in the distance between them for once. But Sooyoung took a step back. Holding her hands out,
"Please! Please step back! I don't want your help. I just want you to stop being delusional. You would never be happy with Sierra. The world won't let you. Please fall out of love."

Yoongi kept glancing Jennie. She was hugging herself as if. Tears silently waltzed out of her pretty eyes. Her face was red. She was shivering. Her head light, with a stiff nose, she felt as if she had a fever.
Yoongi thought the black coat and the turtleneck alongside the black trousers weren't enough to keep her warm. He turned the air condition down. She slowly whimpered, her shakey hands stopping Yoongi's,
"Don't do that."
"But you are cold, Kim."
"Let me be, Min. Let me be. Let me pretend that it's winter already. Cause if I don't pretend it's winter, I would be a betrayer to the spring. Let's pretend that it's winter. The coldest ones. The ones in which roses whither."