My enemy since childhood

Chapter 56

Silence. Was there anything in this moment that could be worse than silence? hardly, it would be death maybe, but right now it felt like the easiest way out.

Why had i said anything? i should have just kept quiet and ignore my feelings. You could fall in love at first sight, but it could happen just as quickly. What if this was just a temporary crush that would pass before this horrible journey was over? stupid, stupid me! well, i went home simply blaming myself. The greatest humiliation of the century was a fact and it was all my own fault.

"You....what?" he said but i didn't dare open my eyes.

All the thoughts spinning in my head were enough, i didn't need to see his sneer to understand that i was screwing up, for real!

"Yeah, now you know. You won and i fell for you, fell for your charm that i hated so much" i muttered with my heart pounding so hard in my chest it felt like it was going to break.

Silence again. Tears burned behind my tightly closed eyes. Why didn't he say anything? laughed, mocked or said something mean?

"Y/n, i...." he began and i could hear him take a deep breath, well then it was time.

"It's okay Thomas, just say it, laugh at how stupid i am, how pathetic i am for having feelings for you-"

I was interrupted by his lips pressing against mine. Maybe there is hope after all. His warm, soft lips caressed mine and as he moved closer to me i gasped at the rocking of the lift. It was almost too much for me and my nerves. I heard him chuckle softly against my lips before his tongue found its way inside.

With a gasp of anything but fear of heights i met him so our tongues collide. The kiss was getting more and more demanding and i heard him moan into my mouth or was it me? i have no idea. All i could think and feel was Thomas.

I grunted in protest as i felt him pull away so i opened my eyes for the first time in ages. I wouldn't have done that. When i met his beautiful brown eyes i knew this wasn't just a crush that would end tomorrow. I swallowed nervously as if awaiting my verdict, which was almost true. I gave out my heart and he was the one who could break it. Would break it, my subconscious corrected me.

"Y/n, i....i don't know" he said, a sad mist settling over his eyes.

"What, don't you know?" i whispered and felt how my whole body had now begun to shake.

"I don't know, this.....you and me" he said shaking his head.

Why was he shaking his head? i thought as panic shot through my body. He would reject me. He didn't want me.

"What do you mean?" i stuttered, biting my lips, i would not start cry!

He remained silent and when i met his gaze again i could not stop the tears. Gasping for air, i looked straight ahead and saw that we were already at the station where we were to get off. Just as well, this had not gone at all as i had imagined.

Had i been so naive that i really thought he would throw himself around my neck and say he was in love with me as i was with him? but he had kissed me, why had he done it? to hurt me even more? congratulations, mission completed.

I straightened my skis and tightened my grip on the poles. I have to get out of here, i couldn't stand sitting this close to him anymore. Those who say a heart can't break are wrong, a heart can break and when it does.... it hurts like hell!

"Y/n, wait" Thomas said grabbing my arm.

"It's okay, it's just as it should be" i said with a clear throat. Perfect, even my voice was breaking.

Before he or i could say anything else i yanked my arm and slid out of the seat. I couldn't look at him. Sure i could take a sneer from Thomas, i had done that a million times, but i didn't want to meet that sad look he had in the lift, like he felt sorry for me.

It wasn't my fault. You couldn't force another person to like you. Thomas liked me...sexually. Everything was just sex to him and i knew it, deep down. Yet it had come as a shock at how easily he could reject me. Did i really mean nothing to him?

Everything i thought about his jealousy was wrong, he had never been jealous when it was about me, not really. This whole Thomas thing was wrong! why didn't he want me more than just for sex? obviously he found me attractive, we had that tension between us. But was there really that much of a difference between love and sex when you had that spark? well, for someone like Thomas it probably was. Obviously.

From the first moment Dylan started hanging out with him i knew he was a guy who didn't fall in love, definitely not a guy who wanted a relationship. Even i had believed that, believed that he wanted and felt all that with me. It's just the truth. After everything that happened between us, i actually thought there was something more, that he felt it too.

I stopped and took a sobbing breath. Looking around i realized i was standing in the middle of the hill. How had i even gotten there? i wiped my nose and shook my head slightly. Thomas was nowhere to be seen, probably because the hill was full of people, but i would have recognized him from a mile away. Not even that, i thought with a resigned sigh. He hadn't even followed me even though he knew how bad i was at skiing. It really put the final nail in the coffin. Me and Thomas were a closed chapter.

It ached all over my body but somehow i made it down the hill and up to the hotel. Everything floated on as in a fog, i neither saw or heard anything or anyone. All my focus was on getting to the hotel and locking myself in the room and staying there for the rest of the trip. I could say i was sick. Brooke would understand and i didn't care about the rest, they could believe what they wanted.

When i entered the room i felt as if i had run a marathon. I was so drained of energy that i was freezing and sweating at the same time. The clothes had to remain on the floor where i got out of them, i couldn't care more. I threw myself on the bed on my stomach and buried my face in the pillows and let myself fall into tears.

Of all the pain i have been through, this was probably the worst. I couldn't in my wildest imagination think that being rejected by Thomas would hurt so much. Come on, it was about Thomas. It had been exactly this i told everyone, one of the reasons why i hated him. He played with girls and broke hearts, that's how he was. But had he played with me? yes, but no more than i played with him.

Although it wasn't his fault, i thought and turned on my back. It wasn't his fault that i fell for him, it wasn't really his fault that all the girls fell for him. He hadn't promised me anything, he didn't promise anything to anyone but still you were hurt. I was not the first and certainly not the last to be rejected by Thomas.

I sobbed and wiped my eyes. It was exactly as it should be. Now we had ended everything between us. Just as well, that, i thought and closed my eyes. Now i could go back to my old self and never fall for anyone again, never get ruin again. It was not worth it.

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A/n: What do you think about the book??