My enemy since childhood

Chapter 19

"Thomas-"

"Not yet" he interrupted with a whisper before deepening the kiss again and pulling me closer into his arms.

The blood burned throughout the body like the hottest lava. His tongue gently massaged mine but with a hunger that made my whole inside ache and made me long for what i have told myself could never happen. Never had to happen.

When he gently released my lips and leaned his forehead against mine i couldn't help but keep my eyes closed and wish Thomas had never kissed me. Not because the kiss was bad, quite the opposite. It had been good, way too good and my body had ignited immediately with the desire for more. But there would be nothing more. Just as well to hold on to that thought...

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered, still leaning his forehead against mine.

I slowly opened my eyes and met his gaze which was so close that for the first time i could look directly into his beautiful dark brown eyes with splashes of gold. They were truly enchanting, no point in lying about it. Why had i never seen it before?

I swallowed nervously to get my body to stop shaking, i couldn't blame the cold this time, and took a deep breath as i straightened up. I needed to get away from him, away from his presence.

"I'm thinking i wish you had never kissed me" i said with as much conviction as i could.

"Why?"

"Beacuse you can never give me what i want" i said and heard myself trembling in my voice.

He must have thought i was ridiculous but after everything that had happened i really couldn't take any more games. Not tonight.

"I think we can both give each other what we want" he said holding out his hand to me but i took another step back and shook my head.

"I don't want to be like the other girls Thomas, not one of the crowd. I know you just want to fuck and after the kiss, i'm completely convinced that we could have a good night together but it doesn't work. I can't. "

"I know you're not in the crowd, i have always known that. I have feelings for you Y/n. Do you really think i would have done all the things i have done to you, teasing and such if i hadn't thought about you?"

"Are you serious? Thomas please, i know this is just another one of your silly games to get me into bed" i said with a somewhat frustrated sigh.

"Come on, admit that you also find it fun to tease me because you actually have feelings for me?"

"Uh no, i really don't!" i said but heard myself that it didn't sound the least bit credible.

Bloody hell!, i thought as he laughed and took another step towards me.

"Do you want to bet?" he muttered with a satisfied grin on his face.

"No, but i can only imagine that you must have made a bet, haven't you? Which of you in the gang will get me to bed first" i hissed briefly and snorted.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Isn't that so? Isn't it all a game because you or the others in your little gang are bored? Are you running out of chicks you haven't already fucked?"

"Come on you can't be serious? Why would we bet on you? Do you really think Dylan would have agreed to that?"

"Honestly? I have no idea anymore, but Jake implied it was."

"Jake? Is that why you left the party? What the hell did he actually tell you?"

"That you had said that he would never fuck me but that he had then intended to prove the opposite, but he thinks i'm too complicated so yes, then it's free for the rest of you to try i guess."

I met Thomas gaze that was as dark as the night. He looked mad but why was he mad? that was hardly far from the truth, i thought, swallowing the lump stuck in my throat.

"I have to go now" i mumbled and cleared my throat before turning around.

"Y/n, wait-"

"We have nothing to talk about, i can't stand any more games right now, it's cold and i'm tired so see you later" i said and started walking.

I felt tears burn behind my eyes, not because i was hurt in any way. Why would i be that? i was too tired and too drunk to think logically. That is all.

I kept walking without turning around, i knew he wouldn't follow me, why would he? he was still the same old Thomas, one who spent no time chasing after girls when all he had to do was walk into a room and be served like it was a fucking buffet of mixing chicks.

Not that i wanted him to run after me, come on. Everything i did and said to him was to get him to leave me alone.

Why then did everything feel so wrong? everything, just everything had become the exact opposite of what i had wanted tonight. Jake had kissed me, Thomas had kissed me and Brooke was gone. Was it karma? and my punishment was that i had to go home by myself completely frozen without a cell phone, in the middle of the night and then feel sad about what happened tonight?

It felt like i couldn't take another step, my feet were burning with pain and i could barely feel my legs anymore. Walking into my street all i could think was a few more steps, only a few more steps, come on Y/n, be there soon!

I had probably never felt such joy and relief as when i took the few steps up to the front door. Finally!

While i dug around in my jacket pockets, the panic rose more and more. I felt the door, which was obviously locked.

"Is this a fucking joke?" i screamed in despair and felt the tears start to flow.

Fucking karma, i thought dejectedly as i sank down in front of the door and put my sobbing face in my hands. I was locked out, no one was home and i again had the opportunity to call someone because the mobile phone was stone dead. I hate my life!