My enemy since childhood

Chapter 58

While the water was slowly being flushed into the tub, i opened one of the small bottles on the edge of the tub. If i were to treat myself to a bath to gather energy, i wanted a bath foam. Sure soap might not be the most perfect but there was no bubble bath so the choice between using shampoo or soap wasn't a hard choice, soap was clearly the best option. Better than no foam at all.

The scent of vanilla and lime, that's what it said on the bottle but what do i know, filled the bathroom and i felt more than happy with my decision to use the soap as white fluffy foam formed on the surface of the water. This was exactly what i needed on a day like this.

I felt the water with one hand and longed even more to step in. The water felt hot and slippery from the soap so i quickly put my hair up in a messy bun and stepped in.

In order for my body to get used to the heat, i slowly slid into place in one corner and closed my eyes. Damn so nice. I filled my lungs with air and let out a contented sigh. Maybe i should stay in the hotel room after all, i could have been in this bath forever.

I sank further under the water until my mouth and half my hair was covered. The bathtub was so large that four people could easily fit in it without crowding. Wondering if Brooke and i really got the right room when we picked up the key? it felt as luxurious as possible so i wasn't going to complain but still, i had a hard time imagining that all the rooms had a similar bathroom.

When i opened my eyes i pushed back my head even further to wet all my hair. Stupid that i had set it up before i got in, although it didn't matter. It felt so good to just be able to float around, because that's exactly what i was doing, lying and floating.

I closed my eyes again and let my thoughts float away along with my body. Here and now there was nothing or again that could disturb me or my thoughts. I was just, completely alone, and it felt so amazing.

I sat up against the corners again and played with the foam that lay like white clouds around me. Why hadn't i put any music on, i thought but quickly let go of that thought and started forming little figures out of the foam. The silence did nothing to me.

What if Thomas had been here, i thought and laughed but the laughter died quickly. Had i already forgotten that he dumped me? what the hell was that in this soap anyway? i did everything to push the thought of Thomas away. Thoughts of me and Thomas in the bath. Me and Thomas naked. Me and Thomas....damn! it wasn't going well at all to stop thinking about him.

Annoyed with myself and my stupid thoughts, i waved away my foam figures which mostly consisted of little hearts. The whole idea with the bath was for me to relax and not think about him, not think about anyone or anything but still i lay fantasizing about him and forming little hearts.

Love sucks! i don't want to be in love! or it's not right, i want to be in love but i don't want to be in love with Thomas. Nice Y/n, you are lying to yourselves again.

Okay, i want to be in love with Thomas and i want him to be in love with me, i thought, hearing my inner self laugh at how pathetic it was. Stupid annoying inner voice that constantly reminded me of reality. Thomas was not in love with me and he never will be.

But could i settle for just sex? because he wanted to sleep with me, i knew that, but could i handle it? no! if i kept sleeping with him, pretending i didn't have feelings for him, i would probably break. Sure i would get a small part of him, a part that was absolutely magical but how many others would i have to share him with?

It was something i would never put up with. the feeling of being jealous was among the worst i knew and it would hardly get better if i continued seeing him knowing he was seeing and sleeping with others. Kind of Kylie.

There was the cursed jealousy again. Think about Thomas really slept with her. She would surely do anything to get him and that thought was eating me up inside. The two of them together.....hot, sweaty and totally entwining each other....no fuck it! i would literally die and never speak to either Thomas or Kylie again. As silly as it was, i didn't judge other people but i couldn't handle it.

I snorted to myself so the foam in front of me flew away. This was exactly what i had wanted to avoid when i stepped into the bath. Forget everything and just enjoy. Congratulations, this bath just made you think even more. But that had to end now. I would continue with my plan, make myself as pretty as possible and then face the dragons, okay maybe that was a stretch but for the moment Thomas and Kylie felt like two dragons.....in my head it was me who decided so i could call them exactly what i wanted, before my meeting with Ace.

My god, Ace! i had completely forgotten that we were supposed to meet tonight. On my initiative. but it was going to be fun, he was funny and i needed to get out and just forget about everything to do with Thomas. Get to forget, even if it was just for a little while.

I rubbed my fingertips together and felt the little raisins that had formed there. It was probably time to step up.

On slightly shaky legs i stood up and reached for the shower head. The body felt completely relaxed so now it was only the brain that was working against me.

I shook my head slightly as i bent down to pull out the plug. With a splashing sound i watched as centimeter by centimeter of the water disappeared down the drain.

When the tub was empty i rinsed off the foam stuck to my body and reattached the shower handle to the holder. With my eyes closed i leaned my hands against the wall in front of me and let the water run over me. What if it were just as easy with emotions? i thought and took a deep breath. Just wash away everything you felt, how easy would it be then? to avoid feeling jealous, to avoid feeling hurt and maybe the hardest thing of all....to avoid feeling left out and exposed.

I untied the cord that held the hair down and started massaging in the shampoo that was on the edge of the bathtub. I didn't even think about getting my own stuff but this had to do. Of course i missed my lemon shampoo, not only because it smelled absolutely wonderful but it detangled my matted hair like nothing else, but i had to have that next time.

When i felt more than done i reached for one of the towels and wrapped it tightly around my body. I stood in front of the foggy mirror and rubbed my hand a few times to bring out my reflection.

I flushed my cheeks and looked really relaxed, at least it was something good that i got out of the bath. I took the other towel hanging behind me and wrapped my hair. I would take my time. Would lubricate myself properly and put on my make-up carefully. Maybe i should blow dry my hair? there was a small hair dryer hanging on the side of the mirror so why not? i probably had a couple of hours before Brooke would come back.

This was what everyone called a holiday, i thought as i dried myself, oiled myself up and put on my sweats. No stress, no demands. I could do exactly what i wanted without anyone caring.

I went back to the bathroom where the humidity and fog was now completely gone. The look that met me in the mirror was one i hardly recognized. Expectant, in love and despair. That was something new, i thought, shaking my head slightly as i placed the makeup on the sink.

It was going to be a fun night. It had to be! i didn't want to be sad anymore and just like i thought so many times before, if there was one thing i was good at it was putting on a mask. Maybe that's what i was doing right now, i thought and started to spread foundation and then put on a mask.

I laughed at my own comparison, even though it wasn't so far from the truth.