My enemy since childhood

Chapter 22

A/n: this is a pretty boring chapter.

After far too few hours, i lay awake staring at the ceiling. Not only because i had slept away pretty much all of yesterday and evening as a result of the night's lack of sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Thomas.

At first i had intended to send a text message as a thank you. But i still have no idea what to thank him for. Although it didn't really matter, i wanted to know what had happened. Had he really taken care of me? if so, why had he done it? he disliked me at least as much as i disliked him.

Sure we could tease each other and keep up that silly game between us. It was still quite fun. But basically it was what i had told him, we know where we have each other. He knew that too, deep down. There wasn't a chance he actually had any real feelings for me. Thomas didn't have feelings, not for anyone.

But if he had? how would i know if he was serious? not because i liked him but theoretically, if i had feelings for him and was open about it, that i was serious about wanting to start some kind of relationship with him, would he just laugh at me? think i was the world's dumbest and mock me for the rest of my life?

Nobody like Thomas could ever be trusted. He could say one thing but mean another entirely. What if, again, theoretically, i really had feelings for him. How would i know if he wasn't playing another game just to get fuck?

Not because i was some beautiful virgin, it wasn't about that. But somewhere inside me crossed the line at being taken advantage of. After the kiss with Thomas, i could only dream of what it would be like if we actually slept with each other. But i wasn't going to let myself be taken advantage of. If i would sleep with him, which i wouldn't, but if, it would be because i wanted to without feeling any shame or guilt afterwards.

Was i really lying here considering sleeping with Thomas? no! or maybe...everything that wasn't really that complicated now felt like the hardest decision in the world. And sleeping with someone didn't change anything forever. So what was so dangerous then if i actually decided to sleep with him?

The answer was surprisingly simple, he would win. He would win and become more insufferable than he already was. Not to mention what my brother would say if he found out. But come on, who was he to judge, he had actually slept with my best friend so if i slept with Thomas it would be even between us.

"Again Y/n, not everything in this world is a competition" i muttered to myself and sat up in bed.

Sure that everything wasn't a competition, everything wasn't about proving better than someone else. Hadn't that been the plan from the very beginning? i would play a game with Thomas to get him to leave me alone? yes, and i was going to stick to that plan.

I went to the closet and took out a pair of black jeans and a dark blue tank top. As i dressed i glanced at the little dress that was still on the floor. I have to talk to Thomas, i have to find out what had happened after i fell asleep in his arms. only it was something i never thought could happen.

But as Brooke said, if it was, and " if " was a very big if, it was a side of Thomas i would never seen before. Yeah, he wasn't a mean person, he had never been, except possibly to me, and the fact that he fucked around had nothing to do with meanness. Without him being damn horny, i thought and felt my stomach suck as it heated up around my cheeks.

Okay, if i wouldn't sleep with Thomas, which i wouldn't for the hundredth time, i would sleep with someone. It was far too long ago that i had sex and only that the mind had started to fantasize about how it would be in bed with Thomas were warning signs enough that i needed to be fuck. The only question was.....with who?

Jake was completely excluded, that idiot, but there were other guys at school. Maybe not quite as handsome as Thomas and his gang but it wasn't the handsomeness i was after, just a lie. It shouldn't be that hard, right?

Will maybe? although it didn't have to be someone from their gang. Just that it would feel extra good if it was someone close to Thomas.

It knotted in the stomach at the thought. Ok, maybe not someone close to Thomas, i thought and spun around in front of the mirror before walking out of my room.

I hurried down the stairs and grabbed my bag before going out. The lump in my stomach grew so breakfast was not an option. Since when did the thought of sleeping with someone that Thomas would find out make me sick? i didn't care about Thomas and really didn't care if he found out that i slept with someone else. Maybe it was because i wanted to find out what had happened last Saturday, were they grinding all over my body? my ignorance of what Thomas had done or what he hadn't done.

When the bus stopped at the school i got off and nervously looked around before i started walking through the crowded school yard. The cloud of worry in my stomach did not lighten the closer i got to the entrance. I really needed to talk to Brooke, i thought and opening the door.

The cloud of worry quickly dissipated from the lightning that shot through my body. The first thing i saw when i stepped into the corridor was Thomas with that crazy girl from first grade, the one i had talked to with last week in the girls' toilet.

It felt like everything around me stopped when i saw Thomas wrap his arms around the cursed slut's waist and lean forward to whisper something in her ear. Her pathetic giggles echoing like gongs in my head as it burned behind my eyes.

When had i started to have feelings for Thomas?