A Tough Choice

Chapter Seventy Eight

I couldn't stop thinking, my brain just wouldn't slow down. It kept spinning around with negative thoughts. I couldn't seem to stop it. No matter what I did to try and distract myself, it didn't work for long. The thoughts would slowly return. I wanted to drill them out of my head. I couldn't stand the constant guilt that I was feeling. I had to do something to help me feel better, to escape these feelings for a brief moment.

I wandered into the bathroom and picked up my razor. I glanced at it for a moment and took a deep breath. My eyes closed as I ran the razor along my arm. I looked at the wound numbly as I watched my blood slowly drip into the sink. It was the only time I felt relief.

"What the hell has happened?!" Ethan exclaimed from the doorway.

"Nothing!" I said as I quickly threw the razor into the sink.

"Look at your arm." he whispered as he looked down at it.

I watched as he picked up a towel and placed it over the wound, applying gentle pressure.

"Leave it alone." I protested as I tried to pull arm away.

"You need to stop the bleeding." he said, not letting go.

I stood and looked at the ground as he continued applying pressure to the wound.

"What were you thinking?" he whispered.

"I don't know." I muttered.

"Doesn't it hurt?" he asked.

"No, it gives me a sense of relief." I admitted.

He sighed and looked at me intensely.

"I feel insecure with our relationship, I keep hurting you and it's not fair on you." I muttered.

"Don't be insecure, it doesn't matter what happened it's about the future, we need to look forward." he told me.

"I'm not going anywhere I love you too much." he added.

I smiled and looked away from him.

Ethan's POV

I inspected her arm and saw that the bleeding had finally stopped. I'd known that the wound was deep as soon as I saw it. I hated to see her in this way, standing here with her as her blood slowly seeped through the towel.

"I'll just get my first aid kit." I whispered.

She nodded and sat on the edge of the bath.

I returned a few moments later and gently dressed her wound.

"I'll get you some antibiotics from work tomorrow." I told her.

"I'm sorry Ethan." she whispered.

"It's fine." I said thoughtfully.

I'd had enough, I couldn't see her like this anymore. I needed to fix her and I knew exactly what to do.