I couldn't stop thinking, my brain just wouldn't slow down. It kept spinning around with negative thoughts. I couldn't seem to stop it. No matter what I did to try and distract myself, it didn't work for long. The thoughts would slowly return. I wanted to drill them out of my head. I couldn't stand the constant guilt that I was feeling. I had to do something to help me feel better, to escape these feelings for a brief moment.
I wandered into the bathroom and picked up my razor. I glanced at it for a moment and took a deep breath. My eyes closed as I ran the razor along my arm. I looked at the wound numbly as I watched my blood slowly drip into the sink. It was the only time I felt relief.
"What the hell has happened?!" Ethan exclaimed from the doorway.
"Nothing!" I said as I quickly threw the razor into the sink.
"Look at your arm." he whispered as he looked down at it.
I watched as he picked up a towel and placed it over the wound, applying gentle pressure.
"Leave it alone." I protested as I tried to pull arm away.
"You need to stop the bleeding." he said, not letting go.
I stood and looked at the ground as he continued applying pressure to the wound.
"What were you thinking?" he whispered.
"I don't know." I muttered.
"Doesn't it hurt?" he asked.
"No, it gives me a sense of relief." I admitted.
He sighed and looked at me intensely.
"I feel insecure with our relationship, I keep hurting you and it's not fair on you." I muttered.
"Don't be insecure, it doesn't matter what happened it's about the future, we need to look forward." he told me.
"I'm not going anywhere I love you too much." he added.
I smiled and looked away from him.
Ethan's POV
I inspected her arm and saw that the bleeding had finally stopped. I'd known that the wound was deep as soon as I saw it. I hated to see her in this way, standing here with her as her blood slowly seeped through the towel.
"I'll just get my first aid kit." I whispered.
She nodded and sat on the edge of the bath.
I returned a few moments later and gently dressed her wound.
"I'll get you some antibiotics from work tomorrow." I told her.
"I'm sorry Ethan." she whispered.
"It's fine." I said thoughtfully.
I'd had enough, I couldn't see her like this anymore. I needed to fix her and I knew exactly what to do.
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A Tough Choice
FanfictionWhen Emma starts her new job at Holby A and E department she becomes good 'friends' with Cal and Ethan. But tragedy strikes! What happens when Ethan has to make a tough choice?