Taste | Changbin

Chapter Forty

"Lennon? I don't know what's happening to you, but I need you to come back to me. I need you to focus on my voice. Please, can you do that? Lennon?" 

Lennon slowly snapped back into reality. Changbin's eyes, full of concern, looked into her own. He didn't dare raise his voice at her. "Are you okay? You zoned out on the way to the makeup room. I tried talking to you, but I think you were somewhere else. What's going on?" 

She was seated on a small leather couch in the makeup room. Changbin was crouched down in front of her. One of his knees was on the ground, supporting his body, while he laid his arms on the other. "Are you okay?" 

She sniffled, "sorry, I'm fine. We should go, the guys are probably eager to shower." She glanced over at the mirrors on the other side of the room, Her rolling makeup case was still set up there. Nobody had touched it since she left it alone. 

"The boys can wait. I need you to talk to me. What happened back there? I saw him squeezing your wrist, but did he," Changbin paused, "you know...?" 

"No, he was just some creepy guy being a jerk." She was trying not to rethink the interaction she had with him. It was too much and too triggering; a dark reminder that the world wasn't as safe as she wished it was.  

"No, he didn't. He might have, but you showed up, so thank you." 

"No," Changbin rose to his feet. "You can't just say that! You were almost sexually assaulted and you're just brushing it off! You grabbed onto my arm and I tried to talk to you on the way back here, but you went mute. Where did you go? What happened?" 

"It's not important. Please, let's just go." 

"No!" 

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Lennon shot up from the couch. "Just let it go, it doesn't matter." She bit the inside of her lip to try to keep her tears at bay. There was no way she was going to admit her troubled past with her father. It wasn't Changbin's job to try and fix her. It wasn't his responsibility to comfort her either. 

She walked around him to grab her makeup bag. 

"Because I care about you!" Changbin yelled. Shocked by his own outburst, he lowered his voice. "I care about you so much and I know about your dad." 

She froze in her spot. He wasn't supposed to know anything about her dad. She racked her brain trying to figure out how he knew. 

"Chan told me the other night after the incident in the weight room. He said your father was abusive and I didn't know. I still don't know exactly what that means, but I have an idea of it." 

Suddenly angry, she spun around on her heel. "What gives you the right to be an ass even before knowing my past? You can't scream insults at people and pretend that's okay! Chan had no fucking right to tell you anything about me!" Her vision blurred from tears. 

Changbin's face fell. She was trying so hard to be mad, but it looked like she was about to break at any moment. She was damaged and he had only made it worse. 

"I don't need you, or anyone to pity me! I don't need you to look at me like I'm some wounded animal because I'm not. I just ne-" The lump in her throat caused her to stop talking. Tears trickled down her face faster. A sob broke out and she quickly shoved her hand over her mouth.

Perhaps it wasn't the smartest idea, but he slowly approached her. He wrapped his arms around her and gently pulled her into his chest. She proceeded to break down completely. Ugly sobs filled the room and her whole body shook. He laid his chin on the top of her head.  

"It's okay baby girl, just let it all out." One of his hands moved to her back. He lightly brushed his hand up and down her back to comfort her. "Take all the time you need, I've got you." 

Lennon felt stupid. She promised herself she wouldn't let her past get to her and here she was being a burden. She didn't know how long it took, but she sobbed until she couldn't. Too numb to cry anymore, she let her forehead rest on Changbin's chest. 

After a few more seconds of silence, she finally started to speak. "I get flashbacks sometimes from what my father did to me. I've tried to block out that part of my life, but sometimes the unwanted memories find me unexpectedly. When that man grabbed my wrist, it triggered a flashback." 

"That's post traumatic stress disorder, right?" 

"Mm-hm. Sometimes I'm touched the wrong way or someone yells or something and I get thrown back into the past. I can't stop it, it just happens. I keep hoping they'll stop, but they never do. I haven't seen my dad in months, but everything feels like it happened yesterday. As much as I wish I couldn't, I can remember everything." 

"I'm sorry," Changbin apologized. 

"Don't be, it's not your fault." 

"I've yelled at you. Without realizing it, I've probably been triggering some of your flashbacks. Have I?" 

Lennon stayed silent not wanting to break his heart. 

He took that as all the confirmation he needed. "I'm sorry baby girl, I didn't know. It won't happen again, I swear. How about we get your makeup kit and we head back to the hotel? We can order a pizza and watch a movie or I can run you a really warm bath. We could do all of it if you want to. Hyunjin has an excellent bubble bath that produces a lot of bubbles and bath bombs." 

"As much as I would like that, your manager wouldn't and neither would Han. Besides, we're still supposed to be mad at each other." 

"I don't want to yell at you anymore. I don't want to fight you. Please, just let me take care of you." 

"I don't want to be a bother." 

"Listen to me, you're not a bother! I've really, really, truly liked you since the first day I laid my eyes upon you in the dressing room. Don't believe me? Ask Lee Know, he knew I liked you before I even realized it. Let me show you how much you mean to me." 

Lennon raised her head up to look at him. He looked down at her and a small smile appeared on his face. "Pretty please with cherries on top?" 

"Honestly, I just want to go to sleep." 

"I can arrange that. We can go back to the hotel and go to sleep. Come on, I'll get your makeup kit, and we'll go to the car." He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I'm sure Chan will start looking for us pretty soon." 

"He probably already has." 

"Don't worry about him, I'll take care of it. Let's just worry about one thing at a time. Let's get you to the car, princess." 

Lennon's cheeks flushed red through her exhaustion. She couldn't stop a smile from creeping onto her face. "I don't think I hate you anymore." 

"Well, that's good because I never hated you in the first place." Changbin opened his mouth to say something else, but then closed it. He decided it'd be best to leave the unspoken words sitting on his tongue. 

I never hated you because I loved you at first sight.