Taste | Changbin

Chapter Forty-Nine

The club wasn't nearly as busy as Lennon thought it would be. Then again, she had never been to one before and most people hadn't been out of work for long. It was forty-five minutes past five in the evening and she was nursing her third drink at the counter. This brought the grand total to six. 

She hadn't gone back to the hotel like she told Chan. She used her phone to get herself an uber and found the nearest bar. That's where she had been for the past half hour. Sitting on a stool, sipping some random fruity cocktail, and rethinking her whole life. The more she drank, the lighter she felt. No wonder her dad had become addicted to it. 

She was in a room full of crowded people and she still felt alone. Upbeat music was lightly playing in the background, but it didn't make her feel any better. People were strung throughout the room. The bartender was busy making drinks. A large group of people had come in and they were ordering things.  

Her phone kept buzzing with phone calls and texts, but she had turned it off without responding to anyone. Chan must have realized she wasn't back at the hotel. He did have a spare key to her room for emergencies. 

She rolled her eyes at the thought of it. She didn't need him to parent her. Even if he was older than her, she didn't need it. She was a grown woman and she could look out for herself. She slurped down the rest of her drink and left the empty glass behind. 

Weaving through the people that came in, she stumbled towards the bathroom. She quickly headed towards the last stall in the back. She didn't have to go to the bathroom, she just needed to be alone. Upon entering the stall, she locked it and slid down onto the floor. She was too drunk to care about all the germs. 

Sometimes everything hit her all at once and it was happening again. The crippling realization that she was truly all alone. Her dad was drunk somewhere in the middle of Delaware and her mom was six feet underground. She didn't have any siblings. She wasn't close with her dad's side of the family and her mom's side was dead. She had no one. 

During this whole incident with Changbin, she truly did like him. Every time she laid down at night, she was always thinking of the what if's. Even when he was a jerk, she had still been thinking of the what if's. What if someone actually seemed to love her? What if someone really cared about her? What if she didn't have to be alone? 

She curled her knees up and pressed her head against them. She was sitting, but the dizziness kept getting worse. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block everything out. Those three shots of vodka had erased her anxiety. She became bold enough to enter a bar all alone. Now that everything was settling in, she was too mortified to call someone to help her. 

Chan was going to be pissed. No matter who she called, they were going to be upset. Chan would lecture her until the end of time. Bile rose in her throat, but she swallowed it. She didn't want to throw up in a bar bathroom. She already felt pathetic enough. 

She took out her phone, turned it back on, and scrolled through her contacts. There was only one person that she knew could help her in this situation. Hana had been close with a lot of the members. She'd know which one she could call for help. She pressed the call button and held the phone up to her ear. 

"Lennon, where the fuck are you? The guys are calling me freaking the fuck out asking me if I know where you are. What the fuck is going on?" 

That sentence broke her even more. She had made them all worry for no reason. They were all probably losing their minds back at the hotel. Chan was probably feeling so much guilt for letting her wander off while she was under the influence. He had trusted her and she broke it. She opened her mouth, but all that could come out was a strangled sob. 

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?" 

"I really fucked up."