Taste | Changbin

Chapter Seventy-Seven

How on earth was she supposed to face everyone? How was she supposed to tell Han that they wouldn't be able to hang out in the mornings anymore? Felix wouldn't have to worry about picking up her green tea from Starbucks in the mornings that he was feeling extra nice. 

As much as becoming their makeup artist had scared her at first, it was something she was comfortable with. After finally getting along with Changbin, she had always woken up and looked forward to her mornings. The band was always restless, but they were a constant form of entertainment. 

On the days where she struggled to stay awake, they always filled the room with laughter. She couldn't fall asleep on her feet if she was laughing. Why did she have to fall in love with Changbin? How was she going to cope with all of this being gone? 

Since locking herself in the bus bathroom, she had let the tears fall freely. They trickled down her cheeks and spotted her lavender shirt. A large lump sat in the middle of her throat. No matter how hard she tried to swallow it, the stupid thing wouldn't go away. 

The bathroom wasn't that big. There was enough space for a toilet, a porcelain sink, and a small bathtub. A shower head had been screwed into the top of the wall. She climbed into the shower with her converse still on. Nobody had used it yet, so the bottom of the tub wasn't wet. 

She tucked her legs up to her chin and wrapped her arms around herself. Things were never going to be the same and it was all her fault. She should have stuck to her guns and never drank again. She considered never drinking again after she got wasted with fruity cocktails and vodka. 

Changbin hadn't considered that she didn't drink. So much had happened over the past few weeks that she didn't even know if she had told him she didn't drink alcohol. When he whipped out the wine bottle, she shrugged off the tiny voice in her head that told her not to do it. It was only wine, how bad could it get? 

Here she was less than twelve hours later. Snot dripped out of her nose. Tears caused her long eyelashes to clump together. She refused to wipe them away. Instead, she sniffled, and dug her nails into her knees. Changbin was going to get in trouble with the company and that was her fault too. 

Mumbling could be heard through the thin door. She ignored it and slumped down further into the bathtub. A knock came from the door and Changbin spoke up. "Lennon, are you there?" 

She squeezed her eyes shut hoping that her voice wouldn't crack mid-response, "yes." 

"Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine." 

"Lee Know said you were on your phone. I know you saw the social media posts. Can you please come out of there, so we can talk." 

"Fucking snitch," she mumbled beneath her breath. 

"What?" 

"There's nothing to talk about. I just need some time to calm down. I'll be out in a while, I promise." 

"Lennon, please..." His voice trailed off. 

It felt like someone took a needle and jabbed it into her heart. His voice was laced with sympathy and hurt. It wasn't his fault that his fandom could be cruel. 

"You can't stay in there forever."

"Leave her alone," Chan's voice cut him off. "Just give her some time, she'll come out eventually." 

Tears slid down Lennon's face faster. She shoved a palm over her mouth to keep the wail inside of her. She bit down on the soft inner skin to distract herself from the sob that threatened to burst out of her lungs. 

It was one thing when your father hated you, but it was another when thousands of online strangers hated you too.