Never Let You Go

Happily Married

Naina left alone at home after Sameer went to drop Nehu at her play school and Swati left for her work... she was confused as in usual after doing night duty Swati always took a day off but today, she seems in hurry and left without resting much... she couldn't stop herself thinking but shrugged off expecting her to be busy in some personal work... though they stayed together but always respect each other's privacy

Since morning after knowing they are still married on papers, her mind was clouded with bizarre thoughts, like Sameer still being attracted to her and that all... even she herself knew that it can't be possible as he got married to his loved one, soon after she left him... there is no point of thinking that something can be possible between them in future but all his actions and flirtatious ways indicating something else...

Feeling a pinch of pain in her heart, she shrugged off her feelings reprimand herself, "what is wrong with me... kal tak sab theek tha meri life mein aur aaj lagta hai sab badal gaya ho... kal tak meri zindagi mein sirf Nehu thi, mere jeene ki wajah aur aaj achanak pata chala ki I am still married with him, legally... kal tak jo insaan har waqt meri yaadon mein rehta tha, jo har pal mere dil ki har dhadkan mein samaya hua tha voh achanak se ek baar phir thode dinon ke liye hi sahi lekin meri zindagi ka aham hissa ban gaya hai..."

Watching their candid picture in her mobile she smiled slowly, "shayad mein kabhi nahin kah sakungi ki kitna yaad karti hoon aapko... har din, har pal, dil aapse milne ke liye tadapta rehta tha lekin dobara himmat nahin huyi aapke najdeek jaane ki... nahin chahti thi ki mera manhoos saaya bhi aapki nayi zindagi ki khushiyon par pade... kyunki aapki khushiyaan mujhe meri jaan se bhi pyaari hai..."

She laughed slowly mocking on herself, "kitni bdakismat hoon mein ki jise maine dil se chaaha, meri har duaayon mein jiska zikra raha aaj voh aaj mere itne najdeek hai aur mein jee bhar kar usey dekh bhi nahin sakti... darrti hoon ki kahin hamesha ki tarah voh meri aankhon se mere dil ka haal na jaan le... jab hum saath the tab bhi meri feelings, mera pyaar mein kabhi khul kar nahin bataa saki aur ab hamare iss uljhe huye rishtey ne bebas kar diya hai... kaise kahoon kitna tadap rahi hoon aapko gale lagane ke liye, aapse pehle ki tarah apne dil ki har baat kehne ke liye, jo dard itne saal aapse dur rehne se hua... kaise kahoon mera dil chahta hai ki aapke kandhe par sar rakh kar jo aansu, jo dard apne andar samet rakha hai sab bah jaane doon... lekin hamesha ki tarah aaj bhi majboor hoon kyunki ab aur himmat nahin hai mujh mein... teen mahine baad aap chale jayenge apni duniya mein vaapas, apne pyaar ke paas, aur mein phir ek baar hamesha ki tarah akeli ho jaaungi... lekin Nehu ke liye, uski khushiyon ke liye mujhe jeena hi padega... chaahe meri kismat ne mujhe har rishtey mein dhokha diya ho lekin yeh ek rishta mein kabhi apne se dur nahin hone dungi... poori imaandari se nibhaungi jiske liye maine apne pehle pyaar ki bhi qurbaani de di..."

कितना मुश्किल है इस अंदाज में जिन्दगी बसर करना,
तुम्हीं से फासला रखना और तुम्हीं से इश्क करना!

Wrapping all pending household works, she realized it was more than an hour passed but Sameer is still not back after dropping Nehu... she gets ready to go for work but still confused what to do, "call karke dekhu, pata nahin kahaan rah gaye... school toh walking distance par hi hai toh itna time kaise lag gaya vaapas aane mein"

She still feels hesitates to call him, "lekin phone karna kitna ajeeb lagega na... aur phir ek aur mauka mil jayega mujhe tease karne ka... har baat par taane maarane ki aadat gayi nahin abhi tak, Mr Taaneshwar Maheshwari ki..."

Her thoughts halted feeling irritated for getting late, "kal se jis tarah Nehu ke saath saara time spent kar rahe hai, kahin uske saath school mein hi toh nahin baith gaye... pata chala usi ki class mein kahin admission toh nahin le liya... vaise bhi Mr Weird Maheshwari toh kuchh bhi kar sakte hai..." she laughed thinking how always he does something beyond anyone's imagination...