lilies.

20

Kabanata 20

Maybe the reason why it's not the same feeling as I have with Adriel is because of my trust issues. Our family issue consumed me and ate me whole.

It doesn't help that Adriel seemed happy going still. I hate it. I know it's not his fault but mine. I hate myself.

I didn't tell him our family issues. It's a disgrace. Nakakahiya. He would definitely not want to be associated with someone like me if he knew. Everything about highschool is judgmental. I don't want to be labelled as aloof, nerd, or an outcast. My family background would put me there. Who wants to be friends with a homewrecker? Sa anak sa labas? Pag-uusapan ako at ibubully.

Everyday of my life felt heavy. I am so embarrassed to be myself. If there's a way to correct my familial bonds, I would do it. Na hindi ako magiging anak ng kabit. Nakakahiya.

I ended the year by being the overall top 7. Sa taas na gym ng MT Building gaganapin ang recognition day.

My dad's busy. My mom's busy as well. They told me not to attend. It is required though. My friends will be attending to support. Andrea is so happy for me so I am pressured to attend.

After the humiliation, I don't even want to be associated in that top 10 anymore.

"What time's the recognition?" Mommy asked over dinner.

I told her the time.

"I'll try to attend. Malapit lang naman ang ospital sa school niyo."

I became hopeful. Mabuti naman. Hindi ko na iisipin kung sino ang sasama sa akin sa stage.

Sasama raw si Gab sa akin dahil wala naman siyang gagawin. Mas lalo siyang tumangkad. Mukha na siyang Kuya ko. Hindi na siya mukhang first year highschool dahil sa height niya.

Tinatanaw ko ang entrance kung dumating na ba si Mommy pero wala pa rin. Minsan tumitingin ako sa likod para tingnan kung nandoon na baka hindi ko lang napansin pero wala pa rin.

Ina-awardan na ang ESEP at SPA pero wala pa rin si Mommy. Paano kaya? I am already biting my nails. Nanginginig na rin ang paa ko lalo na nang pinatayo na kami para pumila sa gilid ng stage kasama ang mga magulang.

Habang naglalakad ako ay nakatanaw ako sa likod para hanapin si Mommy. There's a lump on my throat. Hindi nga siya a-attend. Paano ito? Mapapahiya na naman ba ako sa harap ng maraming tao?

Yumuko na lang ako at tiningnan ang bagong bili kong black shoes. Sana hindi mapansin ng teacher ko at maghanap.

"Nasaan ang Mommy mo?" Ma'am Mariano, our class adviser, asked.

"Uh..." I stuttered. Hindi alam ang isasagot. Pakiramdam ko kung magsasalita pa ako ay maiiyak na ako. Ayoko sa lahat ang pakiramdam na napapahiya ako. My stomach felt like hurling and going into somersault.

"Ay, ma'am, may sakit po. Kaya ako na lang po ang pinapunta, pinsan niya po ako," Hinagod ni Gab ang buhok ko.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. Ngumiti lang siya sa akin. "Huwag ka ng malungkot."

Tumango ako. I'm lucky to have a bestfriend like Gab.