lilies.

64

Kabanata 64

A new semester starts. Like always, we adjusted our schedule close to one another so he can still pick me up at school. The whole idea that we're actually dating is new to me. Does it mean that we do not have to hide? Obviously.

Nagtampo pa sa akin si Wendy nung bakasyon. Bakit sa iba pa raw niya narinig na kami na ni Rai. I felt guilty. However, I don't think I can say that Rai is actually my boyfriend verbally. Ni-hindi pa nga kami nag-I-I love you sa isa't isa. This isn't serious. Does it?

It is easy to think that I'm in love with Adriel because I know that he will never pursue me again. Topre yon at syempre hindi naman ganoong kalalim ang nararamdaman niya para sa akin. Kahit na paulit-ulit kong sabihing mahal ko siya kay Gab at kahit kanino, kampante ako na walang mangyayari. We will never form a relationship. Kaya nga minsan iniisip ko na rason ko lang si Adriel para hindi mag-boyfriend. Kasi takot akong makipagkilala at takot na matulad sa nangyari kina Mommy. I'm scared to fall crazily in love like in the books I read...what if it's the wrong person? Katulad ni Mommy.

But look where I am now. Because of Gab, I have a boyfriend. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sumasakay si Rai sa lahat ng sabihin at trip ni Gab. Iba rin ang persuasion skills ng isang iyon. No wonder, he would make a good lawyer.

On the first day of school, there's always a General Orientation in the Luxus Tent. It's a separate hall located on the side of the West Building, a walking distance from the entrance of the Luxus Restaurant. Most gatherings are done here. It is mostly used by the CHRM department for their food bazaars or whatever you call it.

I boredly sat on the chair between Steve and Wendy. Wendy is busy talking to her other friends. Tahimik naman si Steve at nakikinig. I heard the top of every batch will speak on the stage so I think he is preparing. After this semester, there's only one year left to graduate. Buti naman. I can finally learn the business. 

I busied myself with my phone.

"Our loving alumna, Mrs. Mildred Andrada."

Namilipit ang tyan ko ng marinig ang sinabi ng emcee. That's Tita Mildred. Daddy's wife. Mabagal kong inangat ang ulo ko para kumpirmahin. Sandaling umawang ang bibig ko ng makita siya. Her generic smile...that everyone would actually believe that she's the kindest. No one will ever think that she has ulterior motives. That's how genuine it looked.

Niyuko ko ang ulo ko at halos isubsob na ang sarili ko para lang hindi niya makita. Marami kami sa hall pero...pero...natatakot ako. Bakit siya nandito? Kasama niya ba si Daddy? Should I inform Mommy and Grandma?

Natatakot ako. Paano kung...paano kung...

"Lily, are you okay?"

When Steve called my attention, that's when I remembered to breathe. Hinilamos ko ang palad sa mukha ko at pinanatili ko iyon na ganoon. Anong gagawin ko? Paano kung sabihin niya sa lahat na anak ako sa labas ng asawa niya?

Parang ilang daang bato ang dumadagan sa dibdib ko ngayon. Hirap akong makahinga. Pinapawisan ako ng malamig at namimilipit ang sikmura ko. Anong gagawin ko?

Why is she here?

Everything's quiet for the past years. Hindi namin sila pinapakialaman sa buhay nila. Naghiwalay na si Daddy at Mommy. Walang nakakaalam sa kung sino ang tunay kong ama. People here know nothing about our family but one thing I know for sure, they respect our family so much. They think that we are a perfect family. Kapag nalaman nila ang sikreto ng pamilya namin ay paniguradong ikatutuwa iyon ng lahat. Hindi parating may nasasagap silang balita tungkol sa amin. It will be the death of me. Every day of my life, people will say bad things about me and my family. Anak ng kabit.