lilies.

88

Kabanata 88

Pumasok mag-isa sa loob si Adriel at hinayaan ako rito. Galit siya sa akin. I know that but he also knows that he's at fault. I never spoke ill of him to other people. No one knew what happened, not even Gab, my best friend. I respect our relationship. I respect the person I used to love. May pinagsamahan kami.

A part of me also felt humiliated as I let it happen. It's all in the past now though. I am not angry at him anymore. I already forgave him.

It's just myself that I can't forgive. I let it happen. I know from the start how we were not compatible but my stupid of idea of love made me stay.

I let him manipulate me during our relationship; thinking that my issues are issues about me, and every time I want to leave he...begged to change and always told me that he will change his ways, only to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Not even adjusting to our relationship for even the smallest things. I settled to below bare minimum adjustments.

I can't believe that I even forgave him after he cheated.

I hate myself.

And then I blamed myself for the tragedy.

Because I chose him and left everyone behind: the company, my family, and the workers. Only if I am not drunk in love at that time. Kung hindi lang relasyon ang laman ng utak ko. I would've foreseen the tragedy.

Kung hindi lang ako nag-focus sa MECA gaya ng sabi ni Grandma. If I only look closely at each company and subsidiaries that I manage, I will know. I will save the people and the tragedy would never occur in the first place.

My heart started to beat like I was being chased. I inhaled as deep as I could muster.

I fished the pack of cigarettes I had in my purse and lit one. I seriously need to calm my nerves right now.

May ilang mga taong bumabati sa akin. They have a friendly vibe here. That's why Adriel and his friends like to be here. They treat people with equality.

I smiled in return. Some people asked me to drink with them as they thought it's lonely to be alone.

I showed my left hand to show them that I'm smoking.

"We're drinking outside, no worries!"

I just smiled and shrugged, "Thank you though. I might go home after this."

They returned my smile and waved goodbye.

I looked up at the sky and puffed a smoke. After a few seconds, I exhaled it. Smoking doesn't really fully ease the heaviness of my heart. I fished my phone and watched the particular video I usually watched to calm down. I think I need it now. The cigar doesn't soothe me enough.

After all that, I busied myself with booking a flight home and also about the tickets of Adriel and his friends. Hindi ako sigurado kung kailan sila uuwi pero malamang sa linggo dahil may pasok pa sila ng lunes. I booked that flight for them so they can receive the email of their tickets tonight.

I will ask Rai if he also wants to go home tonight. I will also book him a flight now, still. It's my fault that Rai is here right now so it's just basic respect to include him with my plans to go home.

Tinapon ko ang upos ng sigarilyo at nagpasyang pumasok na ulit sa bar na pinuntahan namin.

"Asshole!"

May nag-aaway? Napalilibutan na ng tao kung sino man ang nagsisigawan na iyon. Ethan showed up in front of me. His eyes looked worried, shocked, and relieved to see me.