lilies.

71

Kabanata 71

"Really? He's not yet married?" I sound so interested. I am.

It has been six years and Rai never even talked to me after he ghosted me. He cancelled our Europe trip last minute and never even answered my calls to the point that he blocked my number. How mean. Ni-hindi ko nga alam kung break na ba talaga kami non. Siguro sa pangatlong buwan ay tinanggap ko na hiwalay na nga kami.

I didn't take offense. We're officially in a relationship but also not. It's not because we love each other. Hindi niya nga sinabi. Gab told me that Rai only treated me as his fling.

"But we're already old," I added. Nagtataka.

"Tangina mo talaga, kailangang ipamukha na matanda na tayo?"

"Naunahan pa nga siyang magpakasal ng kapatid niya. See? We're already past the marrying age."

Tinakpan ni Gab ang tainga niya na para bang ayaw na marinig ang kung anumang lalabas sa bibig ko.

"I'm not sure if he's still single though. I only heard from Anya and Celine that he's not yet married. Kwento raw ng kapatid ni Rai na babae, iyong ikakasal."

At the mention of our friend's name, I am excited. Hindi ko na sila nakita. Ilang taon na rin! We got so busy with our adult lives and I have had a different set of friends for the past years so...I missed them.

"Rai never hung out with us again after you guys broke up. Nakikibalita lang din kami sa kanya."

"And how about Celine and Anya? Are they married? Pupunta ba sila sa wedding?"

"No and yes, they are not married but they are attending the wedding."

"Good to know!" I answered excitedly. I sat again. "So Rai's not yet married. I wondered, how is he?"

"Good, I guess?"

"Naalala niya pa kaya ako?" tanong ko.

I came to terms that Rai was not serious with me back then. Was it easy to accept? Yes and no. Yes, because I don't have any expectations of where our relationship would go that time...and no, because I have become so used to him. The peace and calmness I felt when I'm with him...and the warmth. I don't think I ever came to experience it again. It was different. I missed that familiarity.

It's a different kind of friendship we have then. It's incomparable. I can't say that it's the same friendship I had with Gab. They're different but they're both beautiful and meaningful.

"Yes?" Hindi siguradong sagot ni Gab, "Pero kung iniisip ka pa niya? Malamang hindi."

"Kahit as a kaibigan?" angal ko.

"He never treated his flings as his friends. You never do that with your flings, do you?"

Nagtaas ako ng kilay sa kanya, "Hindi ko na nga maalala ang iba."

"See? That's your answer."

I sighed. That's just sad then.

I can't sleep when I'm not drunk. My first night here, I went out to drink. I had a schedule to follow after that. I went clubbing from Thursday to Saturday. I just drink at home on the other days.

On the days I went to either BGC or Pobla to drink, I went home to my penthouse in Makati. I usually booked a Grab to go home. Hindi na ako nagpapasundo sa driver. If I do that, grandma and Mommy will know. They are so against my drinking habits that I just developed 2 years ago.

Since it's Friday before the wedding, I decided I need sleep so I went out for a drink. I am a responsible person, I can still wake up on time.

I was wrong.