lilies.

93

Kabanata 93

This is not the first time someone told me to get over it; to stop feeling guilty because it is not my fault.

However, when Rai told me that...I agreed wholeheartedly. Maybe, I should think that way. I will still need to grieve for the loss but I don't have to torment myself for not knowing any better but to be better. It will happen, no matter the circumstances. Even when I didn't leave. It is because it was bound to happen.

Maybe, I should think about it that way and let go. That's the only way for me to continue this life peacefully. I would like to correct my mistakes by being better each day and stop myself from dwelling on the past.

We stayed hugging each other for a long time.

"Let's sleep first," He whispered.

"I have a hard time sleeping. When I am not active physically, that's the time my thoughts crowd my head."

"Let's at least try," Iginiya niya ako para humiga sa kama ko, katabi siya.

Nakasandal ang ulo ko sa kanyang dibdib habang nagmistulang unan ko ang kaliwang braso niya. That hand slowly combed my hair as a lullaby. His other hand comfortably rested on my waist. This familiar warm feeling.

Pumikit ako at dinadama ang init ng aking puso sa pagkakataong ito. Hindi ko inakala na mauulit ito. The peace, the calm that the collective videos we have in Greece made me feel. Ito iyon. Akala ko noon, ang nagpapadama sa akin ng ganitong ginhawa ay ang ganda ng lugar, kalikasan, at dagat na napuntahan namin noon. I got into travelling in order to feel that warmth again. However, I failed to do so because Rai is the only person who can make me feel that way...wherever we are.

How beautiful is it?

While I am so drowned with beautiful thoughts inside my head, my consciousness dozed to sleep.