lilies.

59

Kabanata 59

"Lily, let's go," Mommy entered the living room without notice. She almost caught us!

Pinanlakihan ko ng mata si Rai. I slightly touched my nose with my point finger to give a sign for him to stay quiet and don't do anything silly.

"We got a visitor," Mom stated the obvious.

Nilingon ko si Mommy. She didn't look like she's meeting an entirely stranger. Our families are friends, I'm sure Mommy has met Rai all throughout the years.

"Good afternoon, Tita Catherine," He greeted. It's like he magically has another set of roses at hand. He gave a red one to my mom.

Mommy received the flowers, "Sita," Agad niya iyong inabot kay Yaya Sita, "Thank you," My mom answered politely.

I cleared my throat. I exhaled to release my nervousness, "I invited Rai, Mommy."

She smiled, I'm not sure what it means, but it felt as though she's teasing Rai. She eyed Rai curiously, "And why did you decide to invite him?"

I only stared and my jaw dropped while looking for the right answer to that. Should I tell Mom now? Or is it better if Grandma's with us?

Mommy smiled which I rarely see before, "You finally reached my daughter, huh?"

Rai bit his lower lip and grinned. Sinuklay niya ang kamay sa kanyang buhok. "Luckily, Tita."

Kumunot ang noo ko. Hindi naiintindihan ang sinasabi nila. Reach me? What? Anong ibig sabihin ni Mommy?

Napansin ni Mommy ang tanong sa ekspresyon ko at para bang nababasa niya ang iniisip ko ay sumagot siya, "You've met, Lily, in St. Collete's. He was diagnosed with viral infection and was confined before, when was it Rai? You don't remember?"

"She doesn't remember, Tita," Rai answered while smiling.

"Huh?" Kung isinulat ko iyon sa whiteboard ay sobrang laki kong sinulat ang tatlong letrang iyon.

Paano? Kailan? Saan? Sa hospital ni Mommy? Kailan? Bakit hindi ko maalala?

Nilingon ko si Rai, "When?" I asked calmly, looking for answers.

He put his hands on my head and answered me endearingly, "Summer 2011," He simply answered, "We could go to Forbes together, Tita, I brought my car," Rai politely offered.

"Go with Lily then, I'll bring the car in case I'll need the driver late at night."

"Why, mom?"

"It's the weekend, Lily, emergency and trauma patients usually flocked on a weekend."

Sa byahe namin papunta sa bahay ni Grandma. Kinukulit ko siya dahil hindi ko talaga alam kung kailan kami nagkita.

"We only met once, Lily, maybe that's why."

"Eh bakit ikaw kilala mo ako?"

He paused for a few seconds, "Hmm," he started his usual expression when he wanted to tease me, "Now that I think about it, nakakatampo pala, I remembered you even though we only met once, while you didn't."

Nag-iwas agad ako ng tingin at nagpatay malisya. Tumingin ako sa labas at kunwari ay abala.

"Am I that unattractive for you to notice?"

Agaran ko siyang nilingon. "Hoy!" I scolded, "No!"

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes, "You were so into Adriel that you didn't care to look at me."

Hindi ako nakasagot dahil totoo. I feel like I should be responsible for it or do something about it even though it already happened.

"Sorry," I muttered. Mas dinamihan ko ang pagkurap ko. I'm trying to say sorry with my puppy eyes.

He glanced for a few seconds to check on me. I smiled showing my teeth as it reached my eyes and then laughed as I imagined I looked stupid.

"Why are you saying sorry? It happened years ago. Hindi pa tayo."

"It made you sad."

"That doesn't mean it's your fault."

Tahimik kami pareho sa byahe hanggang nasa bandang Boni na kami. Parehong marahil hindi alam ang sasabihin. Ako hindi ko alam.

Adriel is like a taboo topic for me. I can talk about it but I don't want to. It unlocks a lot of doors that I already closed without properly locking it. That's why when he's brought up, those doors will open and make me feel a lot of things.

Deep inside me, I know that if someone brought him up, I would be so interested. If I saw him unexpectedly, my heart would race. I was crazy in love with him after all. I didn't do crazy things with him but I know how intense my love was for him. It was so raw and uncontrollable that I poured every emotion I had. That's why I cannot easily take it back.

But I know where I stand, okay. I stopped being delusional. It's not going to happen. We're not going to happen.

I said sorry because I felt guilty. I am attracted to Rai, it was never a question or an uncertainty. I was certain from the very first time I met him in Katip. I am comfortable being with him. I love his company— our friendship, our dynamics, our closeness, our bond. But now he brought up Adriel, I don't know. I became so confused again. I never felt so intense in liking Rai. I felt nervous, yes, but I became comfortable. I mostly feel excitement now that I'm with him.

"I have a question..." Rai finally spoke. We already entered the gate, "Do you still love him?"

"Oh," The topic I so long want to avoid.

Honestly, I'm not sure. Right now? No. I don't. I am certain that what we have now is more than what Adriel and I had...but...

In my deepest thoughts... I still think about this tiny possibility...of meeting him when we are both 21 years old.