The Perfect Hate

Chapter 60

Rhys pov:

I stripped my bed and washed my clothes. I needed to think and cleaning was the best way to do that.

I thought about my relationship with Kaisen and how much I absolutely hate where we are now. I hate it but I can't help it. I'm being so guarded because I'm scared.

There. I admitted it. I'm fucking scared. I'm scared that I'll get hurt again. I'm scared that I'll lose him again. I'm scared that someone else is going to come along and he's going to want their attention more than he wants mine and we'll go through this all over again.

I thought that him not wanting attention would be a good thing, that way I don't have to worry about losing him to someone whose attention he wants more. The more I think about it, the more I hate making him change himself. Maybe I'm the one who needs to change.

Him being a conceited attention seeking asshole is something that I love about him. I don't want him to change but I also don't want to go back to him being with her because he likes her attention. I don't know what to do.

About two hours after he left, I got the call. Surprisingly it was a FaceTime call. I set the phone up after answering. "Hi." I said, but continued to fix my bed.

"Hey." He stayed quiet and watched me until I was done as if waiting for the attention that I was not providing. "I saw a Doc Hudson car, the one from Cars."

"Really?" I said surprised. "Like you watched the movie or saw it in person?" I love cars and this was a great way to start the conversation.

"I saw it in person." His face seemed to lighten up when I got interested in the conversation. "Should we go check it out together?"

I nodded. "Where is it?" I was excited to see doc Hudson in real life. He's my second favorite car.

"Car museum, in the next city." He replied his eyes scanning me.

I grabbed my phone and fell down on my bed, smiling. "When are we going?"

"Whenever you're free." He smiled while cuddling deeply into his pillows.

"I'm free always." I rolled over on my stomach.

"I missed your smile." He spoke warmly but then shook his head. "I mean we can go tomorrow then?"

"Speak your mind." Just because I was mad doesn't mean he can stop acting...i don't know how he was acting before but he can always say what's on his mind.

"I need to wash it and speak appropriate and acceptable stuff only. Don't want to skip any boundaries by simply thinking we are back to where we are which we are not." He glanced at his fingers and then back at me. "And you should put me in my place if I cross the line in any way."

"What made you think I wouldn't?"

"Nothing...I mean. Of course, you would. I was..." he laughed nervously. "At what time should I pick you up tomorrow or will you pick me up...whatever you prefer."

"One pm is fine. Why were you at the cars museum?" I asked curiously. He's more of a fashion guy.

"I was there with Adam and I saw it." He rubbed one of his eyes. "I remembered it from Cars so I checked it out for a bit and yeah. I left but I was like Rhys would find it cool but I also knew you had Mcqueen and love him."

"I haven't parted with that car since I got him." I paused. "Well besides when we got kidnapped."

"Good thing he wasn't injured when that happened."

"It's great. I probably wouldn't stop crying." I laughed. "It was a great gift...truly."

"I am glad you still like him. We can get Doc Hudson too."

I shook my head. "We don't have to." Although I wanted it as much as I wanted my next breath, he doesn't have to buy me anything. I don't want him to feel like he has to buy me shit in order to get my forgiveness.

"Whatever you want." He exhaled. "I will pick you up tomorrow. See you bye." I hummed and hung up.

I rolled over and sighed. I didn't think we would somewhat make up when I went home. I'm actually glad we did because it brought my heart peace seeing that he was trying.

He'd lost weight within the last month and looked like he barely had any sunlight. It's the main reason I told him to cook something. I needed to see him eat but I also wanted to see what exactly he knew about cooking, I want to teach him.

Honestly I probably looked the same.  I dumped all of my Don duties onto Khari and Sage. I needed time to myself and they only come to me for life changing things.

My mind wandered back to Kaisen. I actually did miss his smile, his laugh, and his voice. I missed how he'd say 'I love you' in the softest voice I'd ever heard.

I truly believe that he does love me. I'm just not sure if he loves me more than attention. His attention seeking ways has gotten in the way of our relationship and although at first it was one of the things I loved about him, it became too much after he started seeking attention from other people.

I pulled the blanket up and decided I didn't want to think of it any longer. After hours of staring at the dark ceiling I finally fell asleep.

I woke up to the door bell ringing. I groaned and got out of bed. Rubbing my eyes I opened the door and saw Kaisen fully dressed. I frowned. "What time is it?"

"1 pm, you slept late?" He pushed his hands into his pocket. "Should we reschedule?"

I shook my head. "I couldn't sleep so when I finally did I overslept." I stepped to the side. "Come in."

He stepped in then closed the door behind him. "If I had known I should have brought you breakfast on my way here."

"I'll cook for us...unless you've already eaten."

"I did eat but you can eat, I can wait."

"Not hungry. I'll be back." I went upstairs and did my hygiene routine before getting dressed in the first hoodie I saw and black jeans. I put on black converse and grabbed my phone off the charger before running downstairs.

I saw Kaisen looking at a picture of us that I got framed a while ago. It was the picture from the carnival. Unironically I was wearing the hoodie with our Photo Booth pictures on it. "Ready?" I asked, grabbing my keys and wallet.

"Yes." He walked out, opened the door for me and as soon as I sat in he ran to his side and then started the car with some soft music. He didn't try to create any conversation so we sat there in comfort.

"How'd you sleep?" I decided to ask.

"It was fine." He nodded but didn't add anything like I had expected. The shop was far but we stayed quiet for two towns and it took two hours to get to the destination. "Here we are finally, are you hungry yet?"

"Are you?"

"No, not yet." His eyes were on the road as his fingers nervously tapped the steering wheel.

"Same." I busied myself on my phone, scrolling down instagram.

I could feel his eyes on me and I expected him to say something but didn't. He leaned on his head onto the steering wheel while lightly tapping for what felt like minutes not once saying anything. "A penny for your thoughts?" I said, not looking up from my phone.

"I was waiting for you to be done so we can go in whenever you're ready."

I hummed, turning my phone off. "Let's go."