Lookism: What Am I Even Doing?

CHERRY (10)

CHERRY: THE LIFE OF A FIGHTER

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I'm never drinking again. Last night the alcohol gave me some sort of false clarity or reasoning. Whatever thoughts were running through my mind made sense at the time yet I fail to understand why I'm taking this so seriously now.

It's true that these girls are my friends but that doesn't mean I should risk my life for them. Who am I to fight criminals? I'm not a vigilante. None of our reasons are fully justified. Yes, they've all gone through horrible things but Hikaru and Minuro didn't have anything more than family problems. Yua is the only here with a real score to settle.

Her screwed up plan was a suicide missions to make her feel better about her life. There's no doubt that her father is Yakuza. So when her mother told her father to leave that life behind, it must've been to keep Yua out of danger. She uses her mother as an excuse but this is the opposite of what she wanted for her daughter.

Yua's mother would feel better if she focused on her studies and lived a normal life. What could her mother be thinking of her now? Surely she can't rest easily.

My judgement tells me she's doing this to hurt her father more than to avenge her mother. If this was truly about her mother then she'd hunt down the other group responsible for her death. Instead, Yua shifted all the blame to her father.

Maybe she also sees it as disrespectful towards her mother that he still chose to work with the Yakuza despite what happened. If her father had found a way to leave that organization, apologized for what had happened, and truly showed guilt...than Yua might've been able to let it go. That is, if she still had any love for that man left.

...

These are things I'll have to keep to myself. It's clear to see that Yua will so no reason. And in some way, I believe this is the only reason she's still alive. She desperately wants the grief to disappear and the only way she knows how to do that is through violence.

I lifted my skirt slightly to see the tattoo on my right thigh. Minuro had done an excellent job at wrapping it up. She placed several layers of gauze over the fresh wound and told me to moisturize it frequently.

I sighed then covered my leg again. What am I even doing right now? Getting tattoos? Joining gangs? Planning on taking down other gangs? Why am I worried about Yua's mother when I should be worried about my own. Ugh, what mess did I get myself into.

As easy as it seems to still walk away from it, my morals won't let me. They were my friends. I wanted to protect them. But does my protection reach over to such dangerous things? What am I supposed to do then? Let them get hut?

Knowing them, if I refuse, they'll do all of this themselves. Leaving me with the guilt if they ever got hurt or worse.

My flats kicked against the tile in the restroom. Attending class had gotten more tiring than usual. Thinking about the girls, school work, and that threat from the Wannabe Sukeban...how can I focus? So right now I'm skipping a bit of class in hopes to clear my mind.

Yeah right...clearing my mind, my ass.

My gaze naturally fell out the window. The clouds were dark and heavy, leaving shadows all along the soccer field and tennis courts. Would I get in trouble if I stayed here a bit longer? I really need some rest. These days, I can't get enough sleep. A natural side effect of stress.

Click!

Huh? When I turned around half a dozen girls stood in front of me. One of them took their hands off the door after locking it. Shit. I was too lost in thought to hear them walk in. What did they want? I'm too tired to deal with bullshit right now.