Lookism: What Am I Even Doing?

Chapter 92

(Jin Jans Plan: Episode 4)

(Ila's POV) - *just in case y'all forgot she's fruity af*

He-Ran...was the most beautiful creature to ever set foot on this planet. That is something I will forever stand on. I don't fucking care about grade-A celebrities, this girl, this woman. Just thinking about her puts my mind in a whole frenzy. She's everything you could ever want. How can someone like this even exist?

It's like she was made for me.

When I found out I was a bit fruity in middle school, I went on a whole adventure as one does. But the moment it finally rung to me that I liked fucking hot people, not just hot men, was at our school library. He-Ran sort of reminded me of the girl back then.

Her hair was the perfect puff of fluff to run your hands through and you know it would feel so good. Her eyes are so kind, nurturing, and soft. The kind that you know will smile at you when you roll over in the morning. How that girl in middle school walked in with her Jansport backpack and weighty textbooks, He-Ran walked into the living room with her messy bun, overalls, and a steaming cup of coffee.

It was hard not to watch her every single moment of the day. Most people find elegant movements attractive. The sensual way that a woman would toss their hair over her shoulder. Or how they would cross their legs, their posture perfect. If not that, then the way they would glide when they walked. Polite, regal, refined.

Por dios, todo que necesito es alguien como ella.

I've never been into those type of woman. Though, they were perfect in their own way. For me, you see, it's that same type I've been carrying around with me since middle school. The soft, slightly clumsy, comfortable in their own skin type. Those are the cutesy girls that I love.

The ones who are quiet and enjoy the company of themselves. The ones who don't mind going to bookstores alone. The ones who dress how they dress without carrying if they're wearing mismatched socks. When they sit down they plop down then lay their bodies every which way as long as their feet aren't touching the floor. I like the ones that give you a small smile when you've been staring at them for an abnormal amount of time.

He-Ran's eyes went down to my leg. I looked down and realized that it was practically drilling a hole into the ground. God damn it! Quit making a fool of yourself! This is work! I...this is work. I have to be professional. Or at least try to because if I can't then I'd act even more of a fool than I am now.

I rubbed my thighs trying to calm myself down, "Sorry."

"It's okay. Are you sure you aren't hungry?"

"I'm fine." I cleared my throat, "Thank you."

God, this is so stupid. She probably thinks I'm being such a rude piece of shit. Should I have accepted her offer to sleep in their spare bedroom downstairs? I think that's probably where she started hating me. She was trying to be nice and I had to be weird and tell her I'd feel more comfortable sleeping on the couch in the living room.

Downstairs, beyond the heavy metal door, was something that I'm not sure anyone wanted me to see. Her mom made it very clear the last I was over that I wasn't allowed to go down there. I know that's where they have all their work there too. Not to mention I have the irrational fear that this is still some trap and that they'd bolt the door on me from the outside.

How long does it take for the human body to starve? Or would I die from dehydration first?

I took a deep breath. What if she thought I was weird?! Oh god! I don't want to make her anymore uncomfortable than she already is! What if she thinks I stayed up here on purpose so I could stay close to her like some creep! I want to be close to her but not like that! Not yet!