Author's Note:
I'm running out of ideas, so remember that requests are open. And also remember to vote, comment, and follow. I follow back. QOTD: Favorite song?
"These ones," you said, picking up a bouquet of peonies.
"Are you sure?" Isaac asked. "Because last time-"
"I know what happened last time."
The last time you and Isaac went to buy flowers, you picked out violets, and by the time you got to the graveyard, you were freaking out, worried that she wouldn't like them. That seemed to leave a lasting impression on Isaac.
Today, when you got to the graveyard, you didn't freak out. You walked straight to her stone, lay the flowers down, and took a seat in the grass. Isaac remained standing.
"You know," Isaac said after about five minutes of silence. "Sometimes it helps me to talk to her."
"You've been here alone?"
"Once or twice. In the beginning."
"Oh, well I don't need any help. I'm fine."
"Try it."
You looked up at him and glared. He smiled back innocently, and suddenly you felt guilty for liking him. He didn't seen to notice you blush, and nodded towards the grave.
You looked back at the gravestone and tried to start by whispering, "Allison."
It was the first time you'd said Allison's name since she died. It was always 'her' or 'she', and it upset you that you hadn't had the courage to speak her name, but you had the indecency to start crushing on her boyfriend.
"You okay?" Isaac asked, finally sitting down next to you.
"I don't want to talk to her."
Isaac leaned back to lay on the ground and didn't say anything. He just stared up at the sky, as if waiting for a meteor to hurl down from space and land right on top of you.
You lay back as well, chills crawling up your spine as if Allison was right there with you, objecting to you being so close to Isaac.
"When someone you care about dies..." Isaac said. "It really sucks."
"Yeah."
"And people are lying when they say it gets easier every day. Because nothing makes you happy anymore. When someone dies, the happy memories just make you sad that they're not here anymore. And there's probably going to be a day where you don't have to think of them every second, but that's just going to be even worse, because every time you're reminded of them, you're going to be sad again. And it'll be ten times worse because you won't be reliving any of the happy moments. You'll be reliving the terrible ones, the ones that make you feel guilty."
"Yeah."
"One time, I convinced her to skip a test and go get lunch with me instead," Isaac said. "It was one of the best days of my life, but now whenever I think about it, I think about how her teacher yelled at her. I feel guilty."
"Yeah."
"You know anything about that? Guilt?"
"Yeah."
"Memories?"
"No, it's not the past. It's right now."
"What could you possibly be doing right now that makes you feel guilty about Allison? All you've been doing is grieving."
"It's not about what I've been doing. It's about what I've been thinking."
"Well, what are you thinking?"
You stroked a blade of grass and stared at the gravestone. "Let's not talk about it here."
But Isaac never brought it up again.
So maybe it was too soon for you and Isaac. You had a connection, yeah, but there was too much going on with Allison's death. You were both broken, and there was no way that two wrongs could make it right.
All you could do is wait, and hope that Isaac was wrong, and that one day, Allison's death would be less painful. And then, maybe you could be together. Just not right now.
