Reasonable Jerk! ✔

33. Diary

******** Cristina's POV ********

( December 2nd, 2015)

 Once again in my mail I have a letter, another to add to the pile. I have seven now. I haven't read any of them yet. After that day when I opened one and realized it was from Harry I couldn't and I wouldn't. It pained me too much. He was probably telling me how much he hates me and how much of a bitch I am for leaving him like that. Sighing I dump it back on my bedside table.

I'll read them one day, eventually. I thought he would have stopped by now, because it's been a couple months since he sent me one of those, but I guess not. It's like, every time I manage to go at least a week without thinking about him he senses it and feels the need to remind me that he exists and that we met, that I loved him and that I cruelly left him.

 I've never been so bored in my life like I am today. It's my day off from University and Angelo has classes, Samanta is miles away and to top it all, our Wi-Fi is not working, just my luck. I try to distract myself by listening to music, dancing and I even tried to study, it didn't help at all. The time seems to go by awfully slowly today. I've tried everything, and nothing worked. I even got to the point where I tried to make Angelo skip classes. Not my best idea, but I'm going insane all alone.

 I go to my room, decided to go for a run. It's sunny outside and I've been wanting to start running for weeks now but never got the will to do it. So today, is the perfect day to do it. I'm walking to my closet to get my trainers when I bump into the bedside table, making a few things fall onto the floor.

 Cursing the bedside table under my breath, I kneel down and start picking up the things that had fallen. I stop when I grab the letter that arrived today. I stare at it for a while before tossing it onto the bed. I put my trainers on, go to the bathroom to tie my hair into a ponytail and when I get back to the bedroom I'm greeted with an annoying surprise. It's freaking raining outside. It's was all sunny ten minutes ago, how the hell did this happen? 

Shit! Now I'm stuck at home, without anything to do. The letter that sits on the bed catches my eyes again and I grab it. Might as well ready it today, right? I've been procrastinating this for so long now and I have nothing better to do.

"Hello again,

 I don't write one of these in about two months. That's good, right? Maybe it means I'm finally accepting the fact that you're not here anymore.

 Who am I trying to fool? I think about you everyday. Maybe that's my fault though, because I carry one picture of you in my wallet. Yeah, your mum gave it to me last time I visited. It's you, on the beach completely covered with sand and grinning googly at the camera. You were really young here.

 You're probably thinking, why don't I get rid of it then? Right? I know you are. I know you too well! I never take it out of my wallet because every time I go clubbing or to some bar, whenever I'm about to pay I see it and it makes me feel completely guilty about being drunk. I know you hated it, when I was like that. So you probably hate me again. But I don't wanna think about it right now. So, like I was saying. It keeps me from doing it again, at least for a week or so. 

 I'm not sure, but you probably know I left with some girl last time, -I don't know if you still have interest on knowing about me- but I have to confess to you, I don't even remember her name. Sad isn't it? That's how drunk I was. I don't remember her and I'm pretty sure I didn't like her. But she reminded me of you so much. I couldn't help it. I was so mad! I am so mad.

 I heard Samanta tell Niall you went on a date a few months ago. It got me so mad, so angry. I constantly think about it. Just you in someone else's arms, it's pains me too much. And it makes me angrier and angrier, the alcohol doesn't help in anything either. Did you enjoy your time? Did he treat you well? I hope so. Because I promise you that if I happen to know that someone hurt you. I'll chase them down and I'll beat them off until their last breath. I promise!