Reasonable Jerk! ✔

34. Dreaming Is My Reality.

 Hey Lovies,

Do you know what I really wanted to know? How many people are actually reading my story. Not just the reads. But the amount of people. That would be pretty awesome.

******** Harry's POV ********

(July 2016)

All the boys flew over to Portugal to attend Samanta's graduation. I could have went too, she invited me, but it would have been a waste of time for me. I can always congratulate her whenever I see her again, maybe. If I'm in the mood to.

I much rather stay in London, alone, inside my quiet flat. Just reading, writing, watching movies or dreaming, whatever I feel like doing. Because in my dreams she's still with me. It's the only place I can see her and hold her.

I can't stop wondering if Cristina's graduation is today too. I mean, I know they're studying the same thing so they're suppose to end it simultaneously. That is if Cristina didn't let any classes behind. I'm sure she didn't, she really loved it. Maybe I'll ask Samanta about it. I know they still talk, Niall told me. But should I?

I wish I knew where she transferred to. I would have flied there, just to see her again, just to see her one more time.

I have it all planned in my head. I would fly there and watch all the ceremony. I would cheer her when her name was called and would have the proudest grin on my face while watching her. I would torture me by staring into those beautiful eyes that will never look at me again and that happy smile that I won't be the reason for, anymore.

And then, when everything was over, I would turn around to leave, because as much as it pains me, I would respect her decision of never wanting to see me again.

I would be reaching my rented car when I hear a small voice calling my name. I would think I was hallucinating and take another step forward but she would ask if it was really me so, I would turn around and she would be there, a few meters away from me. Our stares would lock and all the feelings would return like a tsunami, all at once. I would be overwhelmed by her presence.

I would see something twisting in her eyes and she would start running. I would gladly open my arms and engulf her in a so longing hug when she jumped on me. She would hold on to me like her life depended on it and I would be sure that she missed me as much as I missed her. She would start to apologize for leaving me but I would shut her up with a kiss. The so wanted contact that I would have been longing for so long now. The butterflies and shivers would return, all those sensations I've been missing would be there because she would be where she really belongs. My arms. 

But that is what happens in my dreams and my head only. Because in reality, I'm here in London, without any sort of contact or news about her. Just those little things I'll eavesdrop Samanta tell Niall, from time to time.

Not even the love of my life I was able to keep. That's how much of a failure I am. I don't even understand why people pay that much attention to me. I'm nothing.

You probably think it's stupid for me to still love her. People say it gets easier with the time and distance, that the feelings eventually vanish, but it's not true. The more time passes the more I miss her. It doesn't get better with the time. It gets worse, because you'll have that need for that specific person's touch, stare and words, and you'll never get it. It's like there's always something missing. There's always that feeling at the bottom of your stomach that makes you feel slightly empty.

******* Cristina's POV ********

I graduated today. I loved it, I've been wanting this since I started college, but a part of me kept waiting for something to happen. For someone to show up. When I was on stage, the principle handing me the diploma, my eyes were kept on the audience, searching. Trying to find him, but he never showed up. And how could he anyway? He wouldn't even know where to come if he actually wanted to.