Running from the Daylight//5sos and Percy Jackson Fanfiction

Chapter 78: Caspian

major major trigger warning

"I hate you Caspian, you crossed the fucking line! I understood the first deal, I went through the same thing, but this? Working with the man who ruined my life to ruin other people's lives in addition to fucking him? You're dead to me, fucking dead!" Belle yelled before storming out.

"I second that, you've caused nothing but pain at this point," Calum hissed before running out after Belle.

"You've ruined Nadine's life twice now Caspian, I've had enough," Michael said, storming out as well.

"Ashton, let's leave," Luke said, giving me the dirtiest look. Ashton gave me a sorry look before beginning to follow Luke out.

"Ashton don't go! Please you promised you wouldn't leave! You said you loved me!" I sobbed, watching as my last ray of sunshine left me.

I told you they would hate you, I told you it wouldn't last. Happiness never lasts with you, it was only a matter of time till either they got sick of you or you fucked up.

I know I fucked up, and I know I deserve it.

***

It's been a month. A month without Ashton. A month without my friends. A month of sadness and pain. Everyday I saw them walk past my cabin, laughing, smiling, happy without me. Hannah's pretty much taken my place in the group. I told you, you're just a replaceable pawn in their game of life. And here they came again.

"Guys you should've seen me in training today! I scaled a wall in 10 seconds flat!" Luke yelled with a grin on his face.

"Oh my gods that's amazing, Lukey!" Hannah cheered then pecked him on the lips. Michael then told some lame joke that sent the group into a fit of laughter. Look at them, they're so much happier without you, it's like they've forgotten you even exist. Not like being invisible is anything new.

Ever since they left everything's only gotten worse. My depression and anxiety are through the roof, and I'm living in constant fear that Darius is going to show up and hurt me or my friends and family. Everytime I sleep he shows up in my dreams and kills someone I care about.

I've tried to reach out to Ashton, to talk to him, but he ignores me or shoves me away. It's to be expected but I still have a glimmer of hope that maybe he still cares. It's all that keeps me around at this point.

***

I walked over to them, my old friends. It was the only place I could sit at meals anyways so it wasn't like I had a choice. I sat down on the opposite end, already knowing they were looking at me with disgust and hatred. I heard them get up and leave. Told you, they can't even bare to be near you, let alone talk to you. I know, doesn't make it any less painful though. I decided to just skip dinner altogether, it wasn't like I was going to eat anyways. I walked off into the forest, the only place I could go and feel safe. I wandered for quite some time, just admiring the peace and solitude. I heard distant cheers, signaling the beginning of the campfire. Finally I can go back to my cabin without receiving judgmental glares and rude comments.

Once I reached my cabin I just broke down. It finally hit me, they really do hate me. It's not anger anymore it's full on hate and rage. This is news? Of course they do, you're a monster, a horrible attention seeking monster. You're right, I just wanted to believe it wasn't true. You've caused them so much pain. I know. You don't deserve to feel happy. I know. Loving them hurts, but you need to feel more pain! Feel the pain you've caused Caspian! I went to the bathroom to do my "daily routine" you could call it. I pulled out the blade, watching it glint under the harsh lights of the bathroom. I put it to my skin and dragged it across my wrist, watching the blood begin to ooze out. I cut and I cut, marking both unmarked skin and tearing open old scars. I didn't care anymore. I bandaged them up after, no emotion evident on my face, I was just numb.

I walked outside, not even bothering to put a sweater on to cover the bandages. I didn't care anymore. I shouldn't be ashamed of them, they're a part of me like my eyes or my hands.

"Caspian," I heard someone choke out. It turned out to be none other than Ashton Fletcher Irwin, the boy who left me broken. "Why the hell are you doing this again? It's just torture, sick torture that you're shoving into everyone's face now."
"Why do you even care Ashton? It's not like you've even been talking to me dammit!"
"It's like this is a fucking plan for you to get more attention, killing someone isn't enough so you're trying to kill yourself instead!" Ashton yelled. "And to think I was coming to win you back," he mumbled.

"Wait you were coming back? Y-you don't hate me?" I stuttered.

"Yes because I still fucking love you, and I do want you back, but you need to stop hurting yourself to hide from your real problems! It's killing you from the inside out!"
"Then what the hell do you want me to do, it's not that fucking simple Ashton. I think you out of all people would understand."
"Quit cutting or I quit you, for good," He stated, his face now mere inches from mine.

"I-I'll try, for you," Was all I could get out before he walked away. I walked back into my cabin and laid down on my bed. Day one of a long journey.

***

It took a month to stop. 30 days, 13 hours, 23 minutes, and 43, 44, 45... I started with cutting less and less each day, then going on forums, talking to people about my problems (leaving out the murder and mythology things of course) until finally I stopped completely this past week. I flushed most of my blades, only one remaining on the shelf.

I rushed to Ashton's cabin, a grin on my face. I'll finally have my sunshine back, we can live happily together just as it was before. I finally beat my demons, I'm finally happy! I went to knock on the door but I saw something horrible through the window. Ashton kissing another girl, a prettier girl, and he looked happy, happier than he ever was with me.

I ran back to my cabin, tears blurring my vision. The day I thought I was finally happy ended up being the day I gave up. I grabbed a notepad and wrote out a lengthy note. A paragraph for everyone, Belle, Calum, Luke, Michael, my family, Percy, fuck even Nadine. But the hardest and most important one was Ashton's.

Ashton,

You told me you weren't coming back because I was cutting. I stopped cutting in fear of losing you, my sunshine, my eye of the storm.

I went to your cabin to tell you that I broke my bad habit, but I saw you pressing your lips against someone new's.

My walk home was lonely and tearful, but the only thing now pressed against my body is a blade. I guess it's time to quit my bad habit, you. The only way I can do that is by leaving for good. So this is my final goodbye.I still love you Ashton, but please be happy without me, you deserve it.

-Caspian