Change Me | feat. EXO

[46] Not Your Fault

The quietness of the house bored me to death. Kris oppa wasn't around because of his work, Kyungsoo as well isn't here because of the cafe, our parents are somewhere beyond the borders of our own country, and Jongin is currently in school right now─and there's still few minutes left before the class ends.

Still on my pajamas, hugging a pillow in one arm while my other hand is toggling the remote, I lazed in the living room watching some random shows, head  laid back lazily on the back rest. I'm feeling much better now compared to last night. Ahjumma Lee had prepared me some healthy foods in which I somehow felt I got a bit of my energy back, before she had to go home early because there was an emergency call from someone, I don't know what and who that is.

Being alone is really frustrating. I really hate it. Although in school I liked being alone, but that's a different story. Because you see, being alone but still surrounded by many people and being alone all by yourself and not seeing any other living person besides yourself, has a big difference. There's a contentment and assurance whenever I'm alone and I see someone hanging around. While being alone without no one else hanging around, makes me feel somehow depressed as if the world had turned its back on me. 

But there's one thing that surprises me a bit. In spite being lonely for a whole day, I found myself not dreading on it so much unlike before. It makes me feel all tingly, excited or nervous, I'm not sure...

Because of one reason, Jongin.

I wonder if he misses me like how I'm missing him so much right now. I know we've seen each other this morning already, but I felt empty right after he left. I have this feeling that I might jump on him as soon as I see him walk in that door. That's the reason as well I had chosen to stay in the living room, to wait for him to come home rather than on my room.

Half  an hour had passed and the door cracked open. My heart jumped as well as my body. I felt a bit dizzy from the sudden movement and I stayed still squinting my eyes. When I finally had calmed down, I stood up and head towards the door, smiling and feeling more than excited, but the next thing I saw made my smile fade and my heart dropped.

Yura was clinging her arms around Jongin's waist, her head leaning on him, her eyes were a bit puffy and her clothes... Why are her clothes looks like...? My eyes trailed on the hand surrounding Yura's shoulder. I'd be lying if I said I didn't felt anything after seeing it. But something made my heart clenched. Confusion? annoyance? jealousy? I really don't know. I was about to say something, but I changed my mind after seeing her wrapped her arms tightly around Jongin's, and I choked. 

"Hey why are you here? you should be resting..." I heard him said after he noticed me standing there, the hurt I was feeling somehow lessened when I heard his voice. I can still feel his sincerety through it. 

"I-- I was waiting... what happened?" I hesitated to tell him how much I had missed him today. I'm not sure if he'd be happy to hear it, that's why I'd chosen to just ask what happened to her. Since it bothers me more than anything.

"Long story... go to your room and wait for me there. I'll just send her to hers," Jongin told me. Before he walk passed by me, I saw how Yura smirked at me, and my heart clenched even more. But that soon faded right after Jongin laid a chaste kiss on my forehead, living me breathless for a moment. I heard a light scoff from her, I wonder if Jongin heard her since I did─and I had a sudden urge to punch her right straight on her face, but I held it in. Jongin patted my head before leading his way towards Yura's room.

I was sitting on my bed, my back resting on the headboard, hugging my legs in front of my chest tucked under my blanket. I was staring blankly contemplating as to what actually happened. Some random useless thoughts run around my head. Did Jongin? No! no... how stupid of me to think that... Jongin would never do this to her, I internally argued shaking my head, but the mere thought made me cringe in fear, Or did someone else did this to her? and Jongin was just comforting her? I choose the latter as it was more reasonable for me than the former.