I'm F.I.N.E (Demi Lovato)

don't speak , don't eat chapter 7

[ Rachel's pov ]

As soon as we got home . I just wanted to cut ... like its the biggest erge I have ever had.

I'm shaking slowly. vibrations  all over my body . demi seems to notice and probably thought I was nervous to be  home again and said "it gonna be alright baby don't be scared".

I ignored it and just stood there.
demi , mom , and dad went to help with me crap load of stuff to put in the house . I don't know why my dad was helping almost like he cared.

WAKE UP RACHEL THAT BITCH RAPED YOU , YOUR WORTHLESS! MEANINGLESS! ." I was broken hearted by my own thought

demi came closer to me and gave me the key to open the door since they were getting my stuff . I walked to the door . I was still shaking and trying to open the door . finally! I got it open, the anxiety I was feeling was beginning to eat me alive  . I ran up to my room in disgust leaving the keys on the floor and the door wide open . I got up to my room and wanted to with intentions of hurting myself but I knew I couldnt .

They made me eat at the hospital, I felt so fat no one would want me . I walked to the my bathroom and sat at the toilet on my knees and with an toothbrush in hand and purged . 

I'm not proud of it but I needed satisfaction . I'm so broken . I should be dead .  I want it all to be over . I don't want to live and I dont want to die . I can still taste the shit they gave me In my mouth . I wasent done...no where near . I walked out of my bathroom to be surprised by demi looking pretty serious .

I closed the door behind me so she wouldnt go in but it looked more obvious than anything. she came up to me face to face . and said in almost an cop tone like when they accuse you of murder ( haha ) .  "What were you doing in that bathroom?" I looked around the room and stuttered out my mouth "I-I wasent doing anything".

whch would not convince her , it wouldnt even convince me !

I started to pull up my sleeve and scratch vigorously . I dont even care that she was in the room . I don't think I was really noticing what was going on.

she said  "what are you doing? stop!" scream- whisper trying to grab my arm from my self mutilation .

" I don't care! This is what I want!" I yelled my parents are so blind they didn't even know what's going on . if I can't cut I'm going to scratch till I bleed . "it feels good".

I said the last part while breaking into tears on the floor while demi picked me up and refused to let me go.

I don't want her sympathy "get off let me cut!", Is what I told her. she said
"why wouId I let you do that to yourself ? huh? , ANSWER ME! "  I pushed her off of me with my last breath of strength .

She wanted me to answer her? What the fuck! She didn't care that's my answer! she didn't fucking care!! I got up in a panic trying to  look for a blade , then roughly being pinned to the wall.

She pinned me against the wall not letting me get away from her. She looked at me for a breve moment before throwing her arms around me. She hugged me. I was surprised because I still had enough anger for another fight .

she hugged me for so long I broke Down and hugged her back. I let go while I slowly slide down my wall . demi said for the final time
"now what did you do in that bathroom or do I have I check?" sounding like an mom with every word she said .

I didn't answer her ,and with that she waked to the bathroom and looked and saw that I had purged..I was ashamed .

I didn't deserve to live . she came back and said "why ... why did you throw up what you ate. Have you been eating hm baby tell me" she  said.

  "I felt fat with all that shit they gave me and the hospital I wanted it out of me" she came towards me and said "you  know what you have to do now right? "

"no" I said. she said " you have to eat  the food that you thrown up " I looked down and said " no " she demanded  again and again until I agreed . I did.

so she went down stairs and got a slice of pizza warmed it up and gave it me to eat in my room . I just looked at it the whole time . she said "I'm not leaving until you eat the whole thing" .

I slowly took bites regretting every bite I took . she said "thank you" and kissed me for eating . that's when my dad ....

[hooolllaaaaa hey guys I'm sorry I havent update I'm  soo sorry but I am now so expect more !! coming sooon !]