I'm F.I.N.E (Demi Lovato)

caraphenlia...chapter 65

[ Dylans pov ]

the nurse walked to us in an happy manner and said " ok so , Rachel is in suicide watch right now . but she is alive but very weak . she didn't cut an vain although she was very very close to one .

she passed out from all the anxiety in here and it turns out she does indeed have bi-polar disorder .

known as manic depression . she is ok but will have to stay another night for treatment . and we will be giving her medication so she can cope with her disorder . "

I pretty much figured that she had bi-polar disorder , it was obvious . I was just numb by this point . I looked at demi and she looked speechless , so did Julie .

the nurse said she was awake and we could see her , but I didn't have the energy to move . I was so hurt , all I wanted to do was kill myself .

I some how found the energy to move and we all made are way to the het room . I walked in first and fell to my knees .

she was extremely pale and wires hooked up to her everywhere !

I ran to her and kissed her head so many times , pretty much thanking God for letting her live . she gave me an weak smile and it soon dropped as she saw her mom .

"I don't want to see you ". she exclaimed . "don't talk to mom like that Rachel ! ", demi said scolding her .

[ Rachels pov ]

looking at my mom disgusted me . all I wanted to was kill her , ok maybe over exaggerating but I'm just pretty pissed . 

she just looked down , didnt even have enough courage to look at me , to think I thought she cared for an second !

she looked at me finally and spoke softly " I'm sorry Rachel if you let me exp-"

"YES IF I LET YOU EXPLAIN ! MAYBE WE COULD LOVE EACH OTHER AGAIN ! I'M TRYING TO LOVE YOU ! BUT YOU HAVE BEEN GIVING ME EVERY REASON NOT TO ! " , I yelled cutting her off .

and with that demi's hand connected directly with my cheek . by that time I was fucken heated . I was sitting directly up clenching my jaw and balling fist .

my mom looked at demi and said " ill come back later to talk about this ". Demi just nodded and she left .

right before I pounced on demi Dylan blocked his arm across me . I tried to break free from his grasp but he is a lot stronger than me .

I finally gave up and layed my self against the bed sighing . she came to the other side of the bed and looked me directly in the eye .

" listen up , you need the stop with the bullshit ! I know your hurting and struggling but right now your acting like an ungrateful selfish brat ! I'm sorry , but if that's the only words I can use to make you understand ! you need to understand that it inst about you ! do you even remember I have the same disorder as you ! that I still have days of wanting to relapse and drink my pain away . no ! you didn't cause I have to keep them in and help you . I'm not saying your problems dont matter but you have to know that your not the only person who has problems ! and what about Dylan ? huh ? he still has urges and wants to purge sometimes . but your so drowned in your own sorrows you don't realise it ! we all need help ! Not just you ! you have to learn how to forgive and move on ! not forget but move on , so you can do something with your life ! don't just drown in sorrow you can't let it win ".

I sat there with no emotion for an second , actually realising how much of an bratty bitch I was being . How could I do that to demi and Dylan . let alone my mom !

I feel awful now , I need to apologize to everyone . I bit down on my piercing and looked at demi . she had an apologetic innocent look on her face .

" demi I'm sorry ! I'm fucken sorry ! please forgive me ! I need you so much ! I'm sorry I only think about myself . after you left rehab I started to create the mentality of being alone . so when you came back I always excepted you but actually never let you in . and I'm so fucken sorry ! you don't understand how bad I feel right now ! please find it in your heat to forgive me . I just wanna start over , clean slate . I wanna be close like before and love each unconditionaly ".

she had an huge smile on her face and said " we already love you unconditionally , and I've already forgiven you ! I'm always here for you baby girl ! ".

I smiled and she hugged me tightly .

Dylan was on the other side of me just smiling like an idiot . I grabbed hid hand rubbing my thumb over his knuckles .

"And you , the best boyfriend in the world . I'm sorry ...I've owed you an apology for an while now . havent I ? Dylan I'm just so happy that you love me . I'm sorry for letting my emotions over whelm you and myself . to not even realise you were hurting . I'm sorry sooo sorry please forgive me . state over clean and new ? ".

he smiled and nodded . he pulled me in for an hug and I gladly excepted .

~ I know short chapter but I'm sleeeeepy tomorrow is my b-day but I celebrated it today so I'm pooped out my spooters ! errrrrr ill right more tomorrow night ! ~