I'm F.I.N.E (Demi Lovato)

drowing my demons...chapter 70

**sunday night **

[ Demis pov ]

Its sunday night and I'm spending it cutting again . just like Friday and Saturday ...

I'm just falling in the pit of misery . Dylan and Rachel are getting happier by the second while I die more and more each second .

don't get me wrong , I love that they are happy . especially Dylan since his parents death. buts its just like I want to be happy with them . not fake smiling .

it about 11:00 and I still here Dylan and Rachel talking but I'm sitting here silently in my room. the only noise filling the room , is the blade swiping my skin . to pieces .

I have cuts, new and old all over my stomach . I don't really care anymore . I've stop taking my meds , for now .

I don't need them ! who am I trying to stay clean for ! Rachel ! no she has Dylan ! they have each other !

I have no one !

no one to stay clean for

no one to stay happy for

no one needs me !

I'm an pretty good actor , just like when I was on "sonny with an Chance" . so I know how to act the part of "happy demi".

when ever someone trys to find out what's wrong I completely denie , denie denie .  they don't care they just feel pitty for me .

today Dylan went to the mall with Rachel and got new school/summer clothes . so I spent that time drinking vodka and cutting .

I would have drank the whole thing but I knew they would be back soon and I'm pretty sure they would know something was up if they come and find me drunk !

I was so tired of it all . I felt as if everything was my fault . even though I knew it WASENT , my demons would always turn it around back at me .

I cleaned up mt cuts and bandaged them up this time . since they were alittle deep ... I cleaned off the blood on the razor and slipped it back into my make up bag 

I washed my face trying to relieve my tears . I turned out the bathroom light climbing into my bed , hoping not to wake up ....

[Rachels pov]

I was laying on Dylan as we watched an movie in his rooom. we had bought all knew clothes for school tomorrow . I mostly spent all my money at hot topic and forever 21 . while he went to hot  topic and bought everything in the store.

I looked up at Dylan who had his eyes glued to the t.v. i silently laughed to myself at how his simply actions are adorable .

I was still blankly staring at him when he looked my direction .

I turned my head away quickly , blushing from embarrassment . "got caught staring huh ", he said . I could here the smile in his voice .

"no , I wasent even looking at you", I said trying to hid my red cheeks . he just laughed and pulled me closer to him .

he kissed my head as I intertwined are fingers together . he had been taking this whole death thing pretty calmly now . he didn't cry or cut anymore .

but I still always wanted to talk to him about Shelby...just to let him no it was never his fault . but ill wait till he is little more stable on the subject .

I just wanted to be here with him and demi . she seems so happy now and Im literally loving it . haha .

I looked back up at Dylan who was already staring at me . "guess who got caught now", I said while poking his chest .

he just giggle while pulling my whole body on top of him . I pretty much straddleing him . with my legs spread on each side .  I sat up on top of him crossing my arms over mt chest .

"no kissing for you , unless you admit you were staring", I said while giving him an joking attitude . I still had my arms over my chest while he snaked his arms around my wasit pulling me quickly to him .

"shit ! , Dylan don't do that again ! ", I said while holding myself up with the support of my arms that almost didn't make it . haha

he just bit his lip while giving me those puppy eyes of his . I couldnt help but melt into his dark brown eyes . he leaned in closer to me , hovering his lips over mine .

he gently pushed his lips gently against mine . the way his lips would intertwine with each other . was like it was ment go be .

we made out for an while before I pulled away with an smile . "I love you". he just smiled and said the same .

we were just looking at each other for an second before I bluntly asked an question . " are you ready for school tomorrow ", I said with an worry look on my face .

he gave me and blank look and nodded . o didn't believe him for an second .

"Dylan, come on . you know you can tell me anything".

he sighed deeply before answering me . "yea , I'm ready for it . I just don't want to get bullied . plus since were going to my same highschool I don't want to see jack there . I don't want you to what an mister I can be when I'm angry . sure you have seen me mad but not as mad as I unsally get ".

I sat there on his lap for an minute not really knowing what to say . I took an shaky breath " yea I know . I'm an little scared too . but if jack is there what is there to be afraid of ! your mine ! I'm yours ! he can't take me away from you ! no matter how hard he tried. he can't have me ! but one thing for sure Dylan Kyle Williams you are not an monster . you never were and never will be . you keep all your angry in which I wish you didn't ! but you do so when you get mad all those bad things burst right out of you . its not your fault . the only thing you can do it to come to me when your angry . just rant it out ok . for me baby , for me ".

I was almost on the edge of tears . o felt them flood my eyes as I spoke . he sat himself up and pulled me into an hug . I shut my eyes tightly letting the tears fall .

he pulled out of the hug with an look of guilt on him . " I'm sorry ! I'm soo sorry for putting this burden on you baby ! I'm so sorry for letting my angry get in the way . I am for you I will try to control my anger . I promise ".

I smiled and pulled him for another hug. I wiped my still fallen tears and kissed his forehead . he smiled while kissing me again.

[ I know ! short chapter but I'm just doing an sort of filler One for tomorrows chapter so just hold on ! drama still awaits ! ]