I'm F.I.N.E (Demi Lovato)

Turbulence...chapter 56

[ Dylan's pov ]

when I left Rachels room I went to take an shower , feeling confused as ever . I still had the blades from when I took them from demi .

I turned on the shower and got in and cleaned myself . I had brought the blades in with me just in case .

I was getting so anxious everttime I looked over at the shinny piece of metal . I had picked up and layed it across my hand , still contemplating whether I should do it .

I really didn't care anymore . I have been feeling so much pain trying to held others when I could barely stand to look at myself .

I figured I needed to be punished . "for what ? ", beacuase of bullshit in life that I cause . I cause pain for Rachel , demi ,jack ,Blake , my mother and father.

so If I gave them pain ...wouldnt make sence to get what I deserve ?

I took the blade and sliced deep into my stomach . I watched the blood flow my stomach to the drain . honestly it was calming me . I carved into my stomach " Rachel " and "demi ". I didn't care them deep for some reason , not having the ablity to do it .

"was I actually caring or was I weak" ?

"did I not want to cause myself pain anymore ".

"maybe ?"

so many thought were running through my mind I started to cry . as steam filled the room I let all the hot water wash away the blood .

I felt completely numb not even realising that my cuts . nor did they sting from the hot water .

I turned the water off and got out . drying myself , even my cuts ...

I put some shorts on and looked at myself in the mirror . not at all was I happy with what I saw .

how could anyone like me , I'm an piece of shit ".

was all That played in my mind . realising how warped I was in the head  . I was more than tortured in life , but living it over and over therefore  scaring me forever .

I have to live with this scar forever , I don't really want to stick around for my own outcome .

"suicidal to the end ", I thought to myself while staring at my cuts . looking at the reflection of it " Rachel and demi ". carved into my lower stomach .

I was really done but I still planned to pull it all together for Rachel's birthday . I wanted to make her feel like an pricness . she was my princess but I want to make her feel like one .

I opened to door leaving the towel behind on the floor and in my basket ball shorts .

when I opened the Door I was startled by demi looking up at me .

_________

[ Demis pov ]

after Dylan walked out , he had an Expression like " I don't give an fuck anymore ". And That scared me . he  usually had  caring and loving eyes and now there were dull and life less .

I got up as he froze in the door way of the bathroom . i picked his towel off the ground and layed it on the bed. I layed Dylan down on his back so I could clean his cuts .

I saw something carved into him but I couldn't read it very clearly . I grabbed the usual : alcohol and gotten balls , to clean the remaining blood .

he stared up at the celing not even caring , and I knelt down to level were his stomach and spokek softly " same routine , its gonna burn ".

I sighed and started to clean his cuts . he was breathing heavily and gripping onto the sheets shutting his eyes from the pain .

after I cleaned hic cuts and I looked at the carving . it read " Rachel , demi ". I covered my moth with my hand In shock . I was sucking up tears as I quickly got up to get guaze and medical tape .

I came back and Dylan was still in the same position . I sniffed some tears up trying to hide then as best as I could ( not working )

I plased the gauze on him ripping some tape and before I could put it on there he said in and cruel monotone voice " why are yoj crying ". I didn't respond and continued wrapping his cuts .

I was just finishing when he said sternly " why are you crying , please tell me ". I shot up with anger and semi - yelled " I'm sorry but I dont like seeing carvings of my name and Rachels on my basically little brothers stomach !".

he shot up grabbing his stomach and said " I'm sorry , I wasent thinking . I had you to on my mind and I let the blalde take control ".

I looked at him and said " why did you do this ". he. looked straight down in hesitation . I sat next to him on his bed and said " Dylan , why did you do this to yourself ".

he looked down and spoke harshly " I cause pain to others , so I cause pain to myself .  I looked at him and he had this harsh look on his face . " don't tell Rachel , let me tell her . I want to wait till after her birthday so she doesn't have to worry about me ".

I shot back at him " so she can worry the neck day or later That night !" he looked up at me and said " I didn't mean it like That !".

I got carried away , I trust Dylan and I trust he will do the right thing . I wrapped my his waist and pulled him next to me .

I kissed his head and cheek and said " its ok , its ok we can talk later . just go to sleep ". I could feel his tears on me as he drifted to sleep .

after he passed out I layed him on the  under the covers . I stroked his hair and kissed his cheek . I feel into an pool of tears and walking out the room .

I stood in the hallway crying and trying to stop the noises . I covered my mouth with my hand to try and calm myself but it never works .

Thats the worst kind of crying . the silent one . were no one can here you . were you have to cover your mouth and stomach to stop the noises . but no matter how loud you cry. no cares enough to come and help ...

so hey guys um I've hand an pretty shitttttty day again !  no surprise ,life just doent work out for me . so I turn to my music . but I'm sorry if this chaptet seemed an bit cold but honestly I feel like shit . and all I wanna do I you know ....

but I'm trying so keep strong my spooties I love you thank you for the votes and views it means alot ! love ya ~ Anna