Collide - SKAM Fan Fiction

Chapter Fourty-Eight

Numb

From a young age, I always cared about other people's feeling. I'm not sure why but I felt it was my duty to make sure I do nothing that could hurt anyone's feelings in any way.

Things you'd think was fine. Like accidentally getting tangled in someone hair or forgetting to tell someone that they had forgotten their pencil on the desk instantly causes an overwhelming feeling of guilt. It was as though it was all my fault and I had been the reason for this person emotions.

But as I laid there, in the darkness staring blankly at the tiny cracks that lined the roof creating some sort of random pattern, I didn't feel guilty.

I felt many things. My mind was racing and I couldn't stop my thought from wondering into the Abyss. Wishing that I could feel his lips pressed softly against mine again. Yet guilt did not once place a thought in my mind.

Ever since We left the party and took the taxi back home all I could do was sit and stare soullessly into the darkness of the trees. I'm pretty sure the taxi driver tried to make conversation with us but I couldn't hear him over the sound of Chris' voice repeating like a broken record player on my head.

"And that should be me kiss those fucking lips."

I couldn't believe how much of an effect he had on my body. The way my skin trembled as he slowly traces his fingers against my back. Or the way his tongue would gently roam around my mouth ensuring everything I tasted was him.

When I gave Adam a small kissed good night That kiss didn't even half fill the fire that Chris had lit. I wanted to scream into my pillow but I don't even think I had the ability to even do that. I was just stuck lying on my back. imagining what it would have been like if everything played out the way it should.

If I didn't have Adam and Chris didn't have Iben. Would we be happy?

Sighing I glance at the clock beside my bed reading 4 am. It's four in the morning and all I've done with this time is lie on my cold covers rewinding and replaying what occurred last night.

Waking up at 2 pm in the morning was easier than expected. Probably because I didn't really go to bed in the first place. Exhaling a deep long heavy breath I slowly get up from my bed. Hearing the small creaks from my bed stand I hear the sound of pots and pans rattling. Confusion suddenly filled my face as I slowly tiptoe my way out to the hall way.

With the noise becoming more clearer the closer in getting I see my mother wearing nice-ish clothes. Her hear slicked back with a small blue rubber hair tie pulling her hair together at the nape of her neck. Biting my lip I hold myself as I walk closer to her.

"Why are you awake doing the dishes?" I ask confused. Raising her eyebrows she looks over to me with annoyance plastered on her face. With of her wet hand on her hip, getting her old gray blazer a little wet. She shakes her head in disapproval.

"Real question Hunny is why aren't you? You know I have a job interview today and you're just lying in your bed making me do the cleaning!" Exhaling out I mentally roll my eyes. Scared if I do it in real life that she might come at me.

She told me yesterday she had a job interview that is today. I'm pretty sure it's for waitressing so I don't know why on earth she needs to wear her gray worn out blazer with her gray pants. Nevertheless, I'm proud that she got this interview in the first place so the wave of guilt that filled my body caused me to snap out of the Chris induced trance I was in and made me hurry along to the sink.

"Sorry let me do it," I utter watching as she takes off the wet gloves and passing it over to me. Waving goodbye I watch as she walks out the door leaving me and my thought alone.

Biting my lip I slowly make my way to the towards the large wooden door knocking on it slowly letting my small hand hit the cold surface hoping that some sort of action will relieve the growing anxiety that has been building up.

I don't know how I made it here. One moment I was washing the dishes and the next I'm in front of Chris's house waiting for him to open the door.

Many things ran through my head. Worry was one of them. I shouldn't be here, I was going to meet Adam later but I couldn't help myself but make a detour.

Finally, the door swung open and a gust of warm air filled my body. Closing my eyes for a moment I tell myself to breathe. Fluttering my eyes open slowly I meet a shirtless Chris at the door. Staring at me with narrowed eyes. Watching me as I scan his chiseled body. Gulping his eyebrow raised.

"Grete?" He asks confused and with a tad bit of worry.

"Hey," it came out more of a whisper than a greeting.

Suddenly I see her. Wearing one of his tops. It stopped at her mid thigh letting her long skinny legs spill out of it. Her long chocolate hair all messy with random knots all the way through. She looks better than I ever did. Gulping I bite my lip hard. Blood rushed to my cheeks and couldn't help Sutter trying to come up with the words to say something.

"Oh Grete, hey!" She says a little smug. As if she enjoyed seeing me red and embarrassed in front of her.

"H-hey," I mumbled trying to sound and composed as I could. Glancing over to Chris would look as uncomfortable as I was. itching the back of his neck and presses his lips together. Glancing at the ground I mentally face palm myself.

Dreading to look back up I finally do and that Chris is whispering something back to Iben. Nodding her head she walks off leaving just me standing in the door frame staring at the messy haired Chris.

Gulping I bite my lip lost with words. I don't know what I wanted to achieve coming here anyway. The numbness I feel is now replaced with embarrassment as I stand here speechless in front of the guy I thought I hated.

"Are you gonna say something?" Chris asks raising an eyebrow.

I wanted to slap him. Yell, scream. I wanted Answers but all that came out of my mouth was a breath of air.

Brushing his hair with his fingertips he looks at me with the same sparkle as last night. The silence between us sickened me. This was a bad idea. I should hop into my car and drive off right now.

Just as I was about to say something he speaks, unexpectedly breaking my heart too small pieces.

"If this is about last night It was nothing."