How to Lose your Best Friend

♡XIII♡

Eagle

I didn't know what to say about my kiss with Blair so I didn't say anything at all. I kept silent until he asked for us to meet in our regular spot. There was a pathway between our two houses and that had been our meeting spot ever since we were kids.

I greeted him with a simple hey before I was bombarded with his instant social anxiety. I've known for a while that words don't come easily to him so I decided to start off the conversation.

I didn't mean to ask him about the kiss immediately. It just kind of happened. He didn't respond immediately and I could tell that he was trying to think of an appropriate answer to the question. What he said was not the appropriate answer. Instead of manning up and telling me how he felt during that moment he just repeated my question.

Ever since we were little Blair knew that he wasn't allowed to do that. I told him countless times that he can't answer my questions by repeating them. I was about to remind him but something stopped me. I'd never broken our "I asked it, you answer" rule but today was an exception.

"I thought it was cute," was the best response I could come up with. What were you supposed to say in that situation? A random kiss on the bus wasn't romantic but it wasn't the absolute worst either.

"Really?" Blair asked in visible shock.

"I mean how couldn't it have been? First kisses are always really cute." I joked.

"Really Eagle? All of them? How about your first kiss?" he asked with a smirk. Flashbacks of my first kiss overwhelmed my mind as I tried to remember when my first kiss even was. I wasn't sure the exact moment it had happened but I knew it was with PJ. He kissed me on the ski lift in seventh grade, he kissed me when I was upset, and he kissed me when I was happy. He sure did kiss me a lot. Is it bad that I miss that?

"Oh gosh, we don't talk about that," I replied not wanting to recap on the past. It was in the past and PJ and I were over now. I don't know if it was for better or for worse but I was trying to forget about it.

It became silent for a moment and I didn't want Blair to ask what was going through my mind. I didn't want to explain that I was thinking about PJ instead of him so I re-asked the question to distract him.

"Well, it was obviously not amazing. I mean I don't have anything to compare it to but I know it could've been better," he replied cautiously. I could tell he was hiding something and I wanted to know what it was.

"Well no duh, it wasn't amazing. Did you have any other thoughts about it though?" I asked not wanting to pry for answers.

He took a deep breath before asking me something strange "Remember when we kissed like two years ago at Antonio's party?"

"Wait, what?" I asked startled by the question. I wasn't expecting him to bring something from so long ago up. We had kissed on a dare in seventh grade and it appears to be that Blair never forgot about it. We didn't count it as his first kiss since it was through peer pressure and it was so long ago that I'd thought that everyone would forget about it.

"When I kissed back then I felt something. I didn't know what it was for the longest time and I hoped that if I kissed you again I'd figure it out. After kissing you on the bus I realized that I wanted to be with you. Sure we've been together forever but I want to be more than a friend to you. I want to be your boyfriend," he declared. I've been waiting for him to tell me how he really felt and this was it.

"Okay, I'm fine with that," I replied trying not to say something foolish. I thought it seemed a bit half-assed but the smile on his face showed me that it was enough.

He pulled me in for a hug surprising me with a kiss that was far better than the last before running back to his house. I smiled as he headed home. Maybe because I was happy that he was happy. I mean I didn't mind dating him since we've been together forever so dating wouldn't be too different. The only problem was that I knew that there would be issues. Blair wasn't good with emotions and I don't think he knew how to control his own. While he was able to tell me how he felt today that was one time out of a billion other times that he never told me anything.