How to Lose your Best Friend

♡LI♡

Eagle

Yes, I am aware that this looks bad. PJ and I broke up a long time ago and my life has been going great without him. Or so everyone thought. Sure, I don't talk about my personal life too much but that doesn't mean that everyone can just assume that it's perfect. I have problems just like the next person and just because I don't throw fits in class like Antonio or punch holes in the hallway walls like Blair doesn't mean that they're not there.

Blair doesn't talk to me anymore and it seems like he only wanted me as a toy for him to play with. I don't mind losing the new Blair but I missed the old Blair. The boy who'd listen to my constant banter about things that didn't even matter. The boy who I could call whenever I needed a laugh and the boy who I spent 16 years of my life loving as if he was my brother. It seems as if that all went away the moment his lips met mine.

As for PJ, I found him lying in the middle of an intersection on the way home from a symphony rehearsal. At first, I thought that he was just a deer that someone hit when I noticed the slightest bit of movement from his limp body. I stopped the car immediately causing the airbags to flinch as I rushed out of the car to inspect the body.

The first thing I did was check his heartbeat. It was still intact. I proceeded to lift up his shirt to see if he was wounded to find his whole chest practically torn apart. What the hell happened. I began to dial 911 when the body lying in front of me slapped my phone out of my hands.

"Why couldn't you just fucking kill me?" I heard a voice say. I looked down at the person lying in front of me to recognize his familiar face. It was the face of someone I knew. Someone I'd hurt.

"Because you don't deserve to die," I replied realizing how bad the situation had become. I wasn't sure what had happened before I found him but I was slightly scared to find out. Things didn't seem to be going too well for him and he was in a very fragile state. I had to make sure that I handled this situation carefully before he did something stupid.

"Eagle? Is that you? Am I in heaven yet?" he asked gripping my hand.

"No, you're lying in the middle of the road. I'm not sure what happened to you but you don't look good. Do you want me to take you home or to the hospital?" I asked.

"NO" he replied highly upset. I wasn't sure why he responded the way he did but I didn't ask. I didn't want to search for answers that someone didn't want to give.

"Are you in pain?" I asked attempting to help.

"Eagle, I've been in pain ever since you left me. Trust me, this is nothing," he replied squeezing my hand harder.

"I'm sorry. I know this isn't the best spot to talk so could you at least get into my car?" I asked helping him up.

"Fine. As long as I get to be with you," he replied.

I started my engine as fast as I could speeding away from where I found him in an instant.

"Are you bringing to your house?" he asked softly.

"No. I'm not going to get into details but I prefer not having to spend my nights there. I have somewhere better that we can talk," I replied trying not to reveal too much. Not that PJ would tell anyone if I opened up to him. He seemed to have enough problems of his own. His whole body was half mauled for goodness sake. But, I've been coming to an abandoned music studio for quite some time now. My parents still aren't too fond of my music career and I'm afraid of what they might say to me if I practiced at home. They normally just tell me to shut up and give up already since music is just a hobby. Not a career. I got tired of their lies and began coming here and it became my new favorite hangout.

I parked my car in my normal spot as I helped PJ out of the car. We entered through my secret passageway avoiding any alarms that were still up as I led him to my practice room. It consisted of 5 things. My bass, my bow, my phone charger, a radio, and a beanbag chair that I bought from the mall to sleep on. It wasn't much but it was all that I needed. I never told Blair about this place since he never cared enough to ask. I'd normally just spend my days here practicing until I got tired and went home. My parents didn't start to drive me out of the house to literally spend my nights here until last week.

"I really like it in here. Would you mind if I stayed with you for the night?" I heard PJ ask.

"Really? It's kind of small and it's not much. Wouldn't you rather get back to your own house and sleep in an actual bed?" I asked wondering why he'd want to stay in this abandoned building with me.

"Eagle, I sleep on the floor of my crackhead father's liquor store every night. I'm pretty sure that this is fine," he replied shutting me up completely.

We didn't talk much that night. I didn't want to bother him and he didn't seem to want to bother me. We were both aware that the other had an elephant in the room that they didn't want to talk about so we kept our mouths shut until PJ asked me something.

"Will you ever forgive me?" he asked probably referring to when he tried to force himself on me.

"No one's unforgivable," I replied honestly.

"I know this is really random and I've barely been talking to you for an hour but will you be my girlfriend again? I know I'm beyond fucked up but I need you. You're the only thing that keeps me waking up in the morning and I can't live with myself knowing that you're not mine," he asked out of the blue. It was obvious that he was incredibly sensitive at the moment and anything I could say or do could drive him over the edge.

"Do you really want to be with me? There are things that you don't know about me and I'm not the same person that you dated a few years ago," I admitted. It's not like I've gone through as much as what he's seemed to go through but I thought that it was fair for him to know that I wasn't perfectly stable either.

"That's all I've ever wanted," he replied. "So Eagle, will you be my girlfriend?" he asked confirming that he was serious.

"Yes," I replied pretending that I wasn't unsure of my own answer. I had no clue what I was getting myself into but I knew that he was on the edge of breaking down.

"I just want you to know that you will always be perfect to me and nothing will ever change that," he admitted catching me off guard. It was weird being reminded that he was the only person that actually loved me. It's been a while.

"You should just be aware that I'm broken. I could you love you just like that but I could leave just as fast," I confessed. My feelings have been very unsteady lately and I felt like he should know.

"If you think that you have issues you haven't heard a word of mine," he responded smiling as he leaned in and kissed me. I didn't say anything and I didn't move from my current position. I felt PJ kissing me as I remained still until I fell asleep. It was almost as if things were back to the way they used to be when we were kids. PJ smothering me with kisses while I lay there silently wondering when it would end. But things were different now.

I didn't mind his affection and I have to admit that it felt nice knowing that someone loved you. Instead of remaining motionless I decided to kiss him back showing him that I actually acknowledged his behavior. It seemed like it would do him some good to know that I did, in fact, care about what happened to him. Earlier that evening he asked why I didn't kill him and now he had his arms around me admitting that he still loved me. I wasn't sure how I felt about the situation but I was relieved that he wasn't going to do something that he'd regret. I didn't love him as of the moment and saying that I'd be his girlfriend was kind of a spur of the moment thing but that didn't mean that I'd never learn to love him. I needed someone who cared and supported me and I believed that PJ could be capable of that. Sure, my makeshift room wasn't the best place to spend the night but it didn't seem to matter that much to him. All that mattered in his eyes was that I was with him and all that mattered to me as of the moment was that he was going to be okay.