How to Lose your Best Friend

♤LVIII♤

Antonio

Blair wanted to be with Eagle and getting her away from PJ was a must if he ever wanted his plan to work. Lucky for him I didn't mind spending a night alone with PJ and I'd do anything just to see him by my side again. My nights have been far too long without him next to me and falling asleep was unbearable without his presence.

As expected I found him at the liquor store drinking himself to sleep. I wasn't surprised that being away from Eagle for one night would have this much of an effect on him. I guess I never understood how hard it was to be without someone until he left me.

By the time I brought him into my room and placed him on my bed he was already slurring his words.

"Hey, man. I'm sorry for always taking your bed and shit," he apologized.

"It's fine I don't mind," I replied anxiously.

"Yes, you do. There's clearly an issue surrounding me and if you want me to just leave I will. You don't have to care for me as much as you do and you'd probably be better off if you just left me at the liquor store. I'm nothing to you and you should just forget about me," he said catching me completely off guard. Was he really this clueless about how much I'd fallen for him. My whole life revolved around him and he meant the world to me. I would never let him spend another night on the floor of dad's shitty liquor store and I sure as hell would never forget him.

At first, I was unsure of how to respond to him. He just told me to forget about him and that's the last thing I'd ever do. I let my imagination get the best of me as I remembered the last time we had a deep conversation. PJ had told me how horrible his home life was after I discovered all his bruises and my best response to his problems was to kiss him. I had to be an idiot. Who in their right mind ever thought that was the correct thing to do? I knew it was a horrible idea back then and I had no idea what I was thinking but somehow I found myself repeating my same mistake.

"PJ, you're everything to me. Don't ever think anything less," I admitted.He probably needed to hear that from someone. It wasn't going to be Eagle so I guess it had to be me. 

I could tell that he was thinking about her the entire time he was kissing me and I should've cared but I just didn't. I wanted him to tell me that he loved me the same way he told Eagle. I didn't care if it was fake. I just needed to hear it. It was obvious that he was only using me because he was deprived of physical affection and getting it from me was better than nothing. Any person with the slightest bit of self-respect would push him off of them the moment he did anything but I pursued.

I have so many feelings for him and I pretend like they aren't even there. I'm so scared of how he'd react if he knew my feelings for him were sincere. We were already on the brink of losing our friendship even after I tried so hard to be his everything. I guess I just couldn't compare to someone who couldn't care less about his feelings for her.

I guess I'm just a fool for him.