How to Lose your Best Friend

♧XII♧

PJ

Watching everyone stress out over things like school was quite amusing. Most of them would drop out before they became seniors so why were they even pretending to care? My parents have never been on top of my grades but the night before finals started my mom came into my room to remind me of what a failure I was. She had no hope in a successful life for me so it was hard for me to ever think there would be.

Everything she told me had been right so far so why think any different. I skipped finals knowing that I'd fail anyway and spent the rest of the week getting drunk instead. Everything around me made me feel overwhelmed and drinking helped me forget about all of it.

Sometimes I forget that anyone remembers I exist until Antonio shows up at the store. While my parents seem to show no interest in my life whatsoever Antonio's constantly checking up on me. It's nice to know that he cares but sometimes I wish he'd just go away and let me drink. He can't help me so why does he bother trying?

He lets me crash at his house whenever and it's a nice get away from my parents but I prefer the liquor store a lot more. At least I'm alone in the store and can bathe in my own sorrow without anyone bothering me. Don't get me wrong, Antonio's a good kid and his family's been there for me more than mine will ever be but I just feel like a burden to them. I'm not their responsibility but Antonio keeps taking me home so they can care for me.

They've taken me to the hospital a few times after I gave them some drinking scares and my own parents didn't even bother to show up. In a way, I feel like my parents would just be happier if I was gone. They like that I spend most of my time at the liquor store because that means there will be peace and quiet at home. You'd think that being their only child would make them appreciate me more but they've told me once I hit 18 I'm out.

I won't be able to see Antonio anymore since he'll be going off to college and I'll attempt to cut ties with him as hard as I can. I've thought about it a lot and I want him to have a good life. I'll most likely lie to him and tell him that I've stopped drinking and that I decided to go to community college or something. Hopefully, he'll believe it and move on with his life. He's been nothing but helpful to me and I definitely don't deserve him as a friend. That's why I want him to have an amazing life and making sure I'm not around will definitely guarantee that.