How to Lose your Best Friend

♡XXXII♡

Eagle

"Do you want to be friends with benefits?" had to be the dumbest question that Blair has ever asked me.

All the built up flirting, awkward encounters, mixed emotions, and heartbreak were for what?

While I was thinking about our future he was thinking about something else. He didn't want my love. He wanted my body.

That night I went to bed. For the first time in months, I didn't wait up for him. I thought that he'd take the hint and leave me alone. I gave him a straightforward no as an answer and I thought that he'd understand that I needed some space.

Turns out that he didn't get the message at all. As I wiped the sleep out of my eyes the next morning I hit something with my elbow. I assumed that it was just the wall or something until I felt someone's heavy breathing on my face. I began to slowly rise out of my slumber when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I jolted out of my daze to find Blair sleeping soundly right in front of me.

I sighed realizing that I forgot to lock my window. Blair must've invited himself in without my knowledge and now he was in my bed.

I leaned into his face looking straight into his sleeping eyes as I whispered: "Blair, I love you but you're such a fucking mess."

I leaned in to kiss him and in the blink of an eye was gone. Part of me know he was never here to stay but it sure did hurt watching him go.

When you lose your best friend one person usually is holding onto the friendship while the other couldn't care less. You'll eventually talk it out or straight out stop talking in general. The thing about Blair is that he has no clue how much he's hurting me. I have to wake up every day knowing I'll see his face and realizing the friendship we lost. He doesn't know how hurt I've become and he thinks that everything is okay when they're anything but okay. I kept believing that if we dated everything would suddenly get better. As if dating would change all the things he already put me through. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel because I don't have anyone to talk to. Blair was the person I went to whenever I felt like shit and he'd always make me feel better. Sure he's seen me cry plenty of times before but I'd never want him to see me crying because of him. Good thing he left.