Tendril | Kylo Ren x Reader

xliii. the match

Waking up to the lack of pressure against your chest, your eyes fluttered open as you let out a small yawn. Kylo was no longer lying against your chest and you were no longer lying on your back—rather, your back was against Kylo's chest.

Seeing his arm wrapped around you as you felt his head pressed against your shoulder, you reached for his hand and brought his knuckles to your lips as you kissed them. Interlocking your fingers with his, you smiled.

Your heart felt so full. To lie so close to Kylo, tightly pressed together as if the bed weren't big enough, your happiness had found a source. And it was sharing moments like these with Kylo. With someone who meant everything to you. The one person you only ever needed. Unlike before when all you had was yourself.

Feeling slight shifting and the gentle touch of Kylo's lips against your bare shoulder, peppering your skin with soft kisses, he slightly sat up and kissed your cheek. Letting go of his hand and turning on your back to look at him, you sweetly smiled before bringing him down into a kiss, Kylo lazily kissing back before he nuzzled his face into your neck.

"Good morning..." He mumbled into your skin as you chuckled.

"Morning, love." Pressing a kiss against the side of his head, your hand ran through his hair, feeling the softness of them run so easily. The smooth texture brushing against your palm as the curled ends flattened for a moment, only to bounce back into its waves.

"Let's stay here for a bit." Kylo said, turning his head enough to speak freely, kissing your neck with his full lips rather than pecking. "I want to enjoy this."

"Okay." You softly answered, smiling.

A faint silence fell in between the two of you as Kylo continued kissing your skin, slowly but longingly. Tired kisses, but they were enough to get your heart going. "Tell me... What did you do with Luke?" He asked, you sucking in a small breath at the thought of Luke.

"Well... What didn't I do? We trained a lot, ate together... We spoke. He taught me many things... He's the reason why I'm here." You breathed. "He's the one who found me and took me under his wing."

"Sometimes I wonder... If he hadn't found me, would Snoke have found me eventually? Would you?" You asked, not expecting an answer. "I'm glad he did, through him I found the lightsaber, and through it I found a balance. Without that balance, I would've fallen long ago. I wouldn't have fought to protect that bit of Ben. I wouldn't have fallen in love with you."

Slowly stopping his kisses, Kylo lifted his head and saw tears in your eyes. You had shut them tightly as a few had slipped, you hadn't really thought about it until then—the many times you tried killing Kylo because you lost control... The fact that you had choked him without realizing it and how you had... actually killed him.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart..." He whispered, wiping your tears as you whimpered. Kylo knew exactly why you had been crying. To him, you were now an open book of emotions. "I didn't mean to-"

Shaking your head, eyes still closed, you reached out for him and buried yourself against him as he fell to his side. "I'm sorry for all those times... Those times I tried killing you. I- I never-"

"Shhh, it wasn't you." Holding the back of your head in one hand as he rubbed circles against your back with his other, you trembled against him. "It wasn't you. You weren't in control. You were being manipulated... Used..." He nearly whispered, only to think about himself.

He thought back to those nights as a kid where he woke up in tears, or in a deep sweat, nightmares where he slaughtered his family. Haunting images of him doing things he had no control of. And every time he woke up afraid, terrified out of his young and innocent mind, his mother always came to the rescue. Holding him in her arms. Soothing him. Telling him no one in the world could ever hurt him.