My Superstar 0.1 [#Wattys2020Winner]

Prologue:

I look at him from a far. He's my superstar. The distance between us is a reminder that we can never be together. He's a superstar and I'm just a nobody. Everyone adores him and here I am, I have nothing compared to all of the women who adores him.

I am not into KPOP before, I love music but KPOP music is definitely not into my list. It doesn't make sense to me at all listening into something that I can't understand the lyrics. However, everything was changed when I met him--my superstar.

As I can remember vividly, I was depressed back then when I first listened to him singing. I don't know what happened but for the first time I enjoyed listening into music that I can't understand the lyrics but I must admit that the harmony is giving me an unfamiliar feelings. Feelings that I can't even explain to myself. I started following them in social media, I started downloading their songs and in my entire life I can't even imagine doing those things.

Once again, I looked at him--his broad shoulder, his chinky eyes, his proportioned nose and luscious lips, his complexion that brightens more up once he's on the stage performing. How can he be so perfect by just wearing a plain white shirt and a ripped jeans? Just looking at him makes me forget all my worries, just by constant cheering for him makes me feel complete. Every woman inside this big dome is screaming for them, the air was filled with fan chants.

I smile even if I can taste the bitterness because what's worse than knowing you love someone and knowing you can never have it in the end?

I'm shouting his name as much as I can even if there is a -0% chance that he will notice me and there are times in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it and you know what's funny at the same time and hurtful being a fan? It is when you can't stop thinking that maybe someday there will be a happy ever after for a superstar and a fan.

Loving someone who doesn't even know how much you love them isn't the worst thing in the world. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Almost like passing in a school project that you know sucked, but having that period of time where you haven't gotten your grade back yet -- that kind of exhale where you haven't been rejected, although you pretty much know how it's going to turn out.

I am really happy for them, I will always be thankful because at the end of the day even if I can't be with him at least I was able to see how happy and contented he is. This is his dream and he works hard reaching this far. I know I love him but I want to see him with the woman he deserves and that woman is not an ordinary plain fangirl like me. I love him but loving someone like him is like waiting for the rain in Sahara desert.

The concert was finally over. I looked at him for the last time, I waved my hand and tried to wipe away my tears.

I'll be contented watching him from a far.

This is my fate and I'm embracing it.

I'm just a fan and he's a superstar.