My Superstar 0.1 [#Wattys2020Winner]

MY SUPERSTAR 54

Ilang minuto na kaming magkatabi dito sa gazebo na nasa likod bahay pero wala parin gustong magsalita saming dalawa. Hinanap ko siya kanina at dito ko siya natagpuan. May isang bote ng whiskey sa wooden table na nasa harap namin. May hawak din siyang baso na naglalaman ng alak. Bigla na lang napakunot ang noo ko ng tinanggal niya ang kwintas niya at pinakita sakin.

"Remember this?" hawak niya ang kwintas na niregalo ko sa kanya dati. Bukod sa pendant ng kwintas may singsing din na nakasabit dito. I'm not that expert when it comes to jewelry kaya hindi ko alam kong white gold or silver ba yong singsing.

"The day I met an accident that was the day when I decided to propose to you". Binigay niya sakin ang singsing na hawak niya, bumalik ang lahat ng sakit at takot na naramdaman ko nong makita kong wala siyang malay at halos maligo siya sa sarili niyang dugo nong araw na maaksidente siya. Pinagmasdan ko ang singsing, napakasimple lang nito. May maliliit na diyamante ito sa gitna na korteng letrang J, I at N. 

"You don't need to wear it. Just keep it". Gumaralgal ang boses niya ng sabihin niya yon, habang nakatingin sa daliri ko na may singsing na nagsisimbulong malapit na akong ikasal. Wala akong maapuhap na sasabihin sa kanya kasi naguguluhan ako.Gusto ko siyang tanungin pero kung magtatanong ba ako may magbabago ba?

"I'm sorry if I wasn't able to defend you during those times when you needed me the most. I tried to be with you but the time just ain't right. I didn't cheat on you. It was being planned by Ji Woo and I'm really sorry if I hurt you". Tumingin siya sakin at nagkasalubong ang mga mata namin, all I can see is sadness and despair.

"Why did you leave me? Why do you need to leave without hearing my side?" Napayuko ako sa tanong niya, para akong napapaso sa mga tingin niya sakin. 

"Because that's the only option I had back then. I asked for signs Jin. I asked Him to save you in exchange for breaking up with you. I was so desperate back then, I wanted to save you because I can't bear losing another loved one and seeing you right now in front of me it made me realized that I did the right decision". Pasimple kong pinahid ang luha ko. Hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang naging desisyon ko na pgaiwan sa kanya kung ang kapalit naman non ay ang buhay niya.

"Do you think you did the right decision? Well, how I wish I died that day. How I wish I didn't force myself to open my eyes because I have a feeling that you'll leave me. How I wish I followed the light that day. Because you know what this pain is killing me slowly Yuri". Nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya kasi hindi ako sanay na makita siyang nasasaktan at nahihirapan. Iba ang Jin na nakikita ng fans at sa Jin na nakikita namin na malalapit sa kanya.

"I'm sorry if you think it was a selfish act but it's for your own good. It's for our own good. Our relationship will not work. Didn't you see it? Every time we are together, something came up and ruined our relationship. We need to stop fighting for our destiny together because we are destined not as lovers Jin. We are better off without each other". 

"But I still love you Yuri". Napailing ako sa sinabi niya. Totoo pala talaga ang kasabihan na mahirap din manakit ng damdamin ng iasng taong naging espesyal sa buhay mo, kasi kung nasasaktan siya mas nasasaktan ako pero kailangan kong gawin to.

"It's too late now for us Jin".

"I didn't love you anymore. I love Zach and I can't afford to lose him. I didn't just love him...I needed him. Not in some selfish "you complete me" sort of way. No, Zach didn't make me whole again when I met him. He improved me. I didn't need him in order to exist. I needed him in order to be a better me." Hindi ko kayang saktan ang taong naging dahilan kung bakit hindi na ulit ako takot magmahal. Zach taught me to love again but seeing Jin like this..hurt me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nasasaktan at hindi ko alam kung bakit nakakaramdam ako ng panghihinayang para saming dalawa.