My Superstar 0.1 [#Wattys2020Winner]

MY SUPERSTAR 51

Jin's POV

"Gwaen chanhayo hyung?" Jimin asked. We're both on the same car going home.

"Ne"..we arrived at exactly 8 in the evening in Jimin's place. The members decided to stay. We ordered pizza and pasta since we don't have time to prepare for dinner.

"Hyung, you want to have a drink?" RM is holding a bottle of whiskey. I just nodded.

"What are your plans hyung? Are you going to talk to noona?" JK asked. I know they are worried for me that's why Namjoon asked for a drink.

"She's happy and that's all that matters. I'll be okay seeing her happy..I'd rather want to see her happy even if I'm not the reason of her happiness than seeing her sad because of me". I can feel a big hole in my heart. Every time I visited a place or a country I always wanted to see them. I'm hoping that in every place or country that I've visited..I'll be able to see them again but maybe destiny is not really in favored with me.

"How about JD hyung? Are you not going to talk to him?" I finished my 4th glasses of whiskey before I answered V.

"If I talk to him does it change the fact that he loves his mommy's fiance than his biological father? I want to explain myself..but what if he asks me why I wasn't able to fight for them when they are receiving a lot of hates? Why I can't be with them? How can I explain to a seven year old kid that his mom caught me with another woman? Tell me..because I don't know what to do anymore". I wiped my tears and asked Namjoon to give me another glass of whiskey.

"Then..tell Yuri the truth Jin hyung! Yuri deserves to know the truth". Yoongi exclamed.

"Hyung, why don't you tell Yuri that the day when you had an accident because you wanted to talk to her was also the same day you chose them when PD nim asked you to choose between your career or your family? Why don't you tell her that you chose them over your family? Why don't you tell her that you're willing to risk it all just to be with them? Why don't you tell her that Ji Woo "intentionally" put a party drug in your drink that's why you ended up with her that night?" How I wish I can easily do what Hobi wanted me to do.

"I can't do that even if..I want to".. Yoongi handed me a tissue. "She's happy now and she deserves it".

"You deserves to be happy too hyung. If you're just going to cry and will not do anything..you might wake up one da----".

"Losing them? I already lost them Hobi, the moment Yuri walked out in the hospital door..I already lost them. Is that what you are trying to say Hobi? Coming from you? So, how does it feel seeing the woman you loved being happy with someone else? It's like your drawning slowly and no one can save you but yourself right? I don't want to ruin her happiness. She's been through a lot". I tried to close my eyes when I feel a sudden diziness, maybe because of the alcohol.

"Jin hyung, what we are trying to say is to fight for her. You're going to surrender without giving it a try?" I shook my head and calm myself.

"How can I fight for her if I know that I'm already losing in the first place? I'm so frustrated right now. Why they can't understand me? Why I felt like they are blaming me? "You don't understand me. It's important to me to see her happy, if I can see that she's happy why do I need to fight for her?"

"So that you don't regret it later. Regret can easily spell but this word also can change your life in an instant". Is this the exact feeling he felt when he decided to let Mia go?

"I'll go home now". I'm crying in pain. I may be physically okay but I've got invisible bruises. I'm a great pretender..I know that.

"Jin hyung..why do you keep on running away? Every time we're asking you about noona you always divert the topic. This is the right time to talk..talk to us. Tell us what you feel. You're drifting away and it feels like we are losing you..our big brother". I looked at them and I smiled like I used to..to hide my pain. I want to tell them that I'm not okay..I want to tell them my worries just like before but the members are having their tough times too.